


What Happens at the Wall, Stays at the Wall

by SeeThemFlying



Category: A Song of Ice and Fire & Related Fandoms, A Song of Ice and Fire - George R. R. Martin, Game of Thrones (TV)
Genre: Accidental Marriage, Ancient Wildling Practices, Enemies to Lovers, F/M, Fake Hating Each Other, Fluff and Smut, Modern AU, Teachers AU, rom com
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-29
Updated: 2020-05-29
Packaged: 2021-02-27 05:53:31
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 28,320
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22022122
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SeeThemFlying/pseuds/SeeThemFlying
Summary: Ms Brienne Tarth, the talented and enthusiastic history teacher at King's Landing High, greatly detests the Physical Education teacher Mr Jaime Lannister, mainly due to the fact he is the most arrogant man she has ever met.However, when she needs someone to drive the school minibus north of the Wall for an educational weekend with a rowdy group of sixth formers, the usual suspects are out of action, leaving Brienne to turn to Jaime as the last possible resort...What Happens at the Wall, Stays at the Wall!
Relationships: Jaime Lannister/Brienne of Tarth
Comments: 138
Kudos: 261





	1. A Cultural Misunderstanding

**Author's Note:**

> Hey, thank you thinking of reading my story!
> 
> I am planning on extending my one-shot "A Cultural Misunderstanding" into a three-parter, so I hope you enjoy! This chapter was originally prompted with the mash up of the tropes Teacher AU and Accidentally Married.

Ms Brienne Tarth, recent winner of _The Westerosi Educational's Most Inspirational History Teacher Award,_ was immensely grateful for several things; firstly, that the new head teacher of King's Landing High, Ms Stark, had given her the funding to run an indigenous cultures qualification for her brightest pupils; secondly, that Catelyn had allowed her to take them on a weekend north of the Wall, to really experience the cultures they had spent so long researching, and finally, that she would not have to drive the minibus herself.

What she was not pleased about, however, was that Catelyn had insisted that, if Brienne wanted to take seven pupils away, there needed to be a second teacher going with her in order to adhere to child protection rules. As she could not bear having two of her pupils miss out, Brienne threw herself into finding a suitable candidate, which turned out to be more difficult than she first suspected.

On hearing Catelyn's order, Brienne had hoped she would be able to persuade Mr Baratheon the drama teacher to come with her; even though she knew he was _hella_ gay, he was pretty to look at, and would make a fun companion for the weekend. However, he was off for a weekend in Dorne with his boyfriend, and only left her with profuse apologies. She had then attempted to butter up Mr Hunt the chemistry teacher, who she had sort of being flirting with for a few months, but he had made some lame excuse about wanting to watch some football game at the pub that weekend. Stuck in a real predicament, Brienne had ended up complaining to Miss Tyrell the Maths teacher one lunchtime.

"I need someone who is available for four days over next weekend, who can drive the minibus _and_ is somewhat interested in indigenous cultures or the whole thing is cancelled," she said despairingly. "I've tried both Renly and Hyle and they are both busy, and I know you don't have a minibus license, so I don't know who to ask..."

"I have a minibus license," came a taunting voice. "You could always ask me."

Suppressing an eye roll, Brienne turned around to look at Mr Lannister, the PE teacher. As ever, he was wearing a flaming red tracksuit and a teasing glint in his eye. She didn't like his expression, and she didn't like _him,_ because, since the first day she had arrived at King's Landing High, he had wasted no time in making himself a pain in the arse.

"No," she said breezily, "I'd rather ask the Night King himself to drive the minibus than you."

Jaime stepped forward so he was a _little_ too close, cocking an eyebrow at her. "Why? I'm an excellent driver. And... you never know... you might enjoy my company."

Brienne outright snorted at that. "Oh yes, I would just _love_ to spend the weekend with the man who questioned whether I was actually a woman the first time we met, and then at last year's Christmas party offered to fling me down and make me feel like a woman in the middle of the dance floor. I'm sure I wouldn't have to spend all weekend resisting the urge to punch him _at all."_

"I like a strong woman, Tarth," he grinned. "I've told you before, if you want to get your aggression out, you are more than welcome to come and train with me down at the gym, where I'll let you vent all the frustration you want on me."

Brienne knew she did not want to get into another row with Jaime in front of all the other teachers - they all thought they had a _thing_ going on at the best of times, mostly due to the time she saved him from a biker gang outside the school one day, and he returned to favour by protecting her from a rather aggressive badger - so she just turned back to Margaery, determined not to give him the time of day.

"My answer is _no_ Mr Lannister. I'll find someone else."

* * *

The problem was, there wasn't someone else, so come the following weekend, Brienne found herself stuck in the front passenger seat of the school minibus with Jaime Lannister driving, and seven excitable teenagers in the back. The journey from King's Landing to the Wall was _long,_ and Jaime made it no better by sticking on the latest _Patchface_ album and leading a sing-along.

_"The shadows come to dance, my lord_

_Dance my lord, dance my lord._

_The shadows come to stay, my lord_

_Stay my lord, stay my lord."_

As Myrcella took over to mime the dramatic guitar solo in the middle, Jaime turned to Brienne. "Come on, why don't you sing, wench? It's fun."

"Firstly," she growled, trying to keep her voice low so her students did not hear, "my name is Brienne, not wench. And secondly, we still have _eight more hours_ of this journey. I don't like _Patchface_ at the best of times, but especially not with you screaming it in my ear."

"Okay," he said a little defeatedly, "I only asked if you wanted to join in."

After that, Jaime made no more attempts to get her to join in with any mad scheme, and they only really conversed when he led the teenagers out to grab some snacks from _The Crossroads Inn,_ and he bought her back a sandwich. Although she meant to, Brienne barely had time to say thank you, because her students were having a heated debate about their upcoming weekend.

"That is such a racist thing to say," squawked Sansa at her younger sister, Arya, who was busy blowing bubbles bigger than her head.

The second the latest one burst, Arya rolled her eyes. "It's just a word, Sansa."

"But they prefer being called the freefolk. Wildling is a derogatory term."

"Then why are we going on a tour literally called _Wildling Tours?"_ asked Gendry confusedly.

Shireen shrugged. "Maybe it's good publicity."

"Or maybe they're just not bothered about being called wildlings," retorted Arya.

Brienne turned around as Jaime kicked the minibus into life, trying to turn this into a genuine debate. "This might be an interesting question to discuss for your upcoming coursework. Perhaps you could all get together and compile a questionnaire to ask any of the freefolk who would be willing to participate once we get north of the Wall. It could serve as a real insight into cultural identity and outside perceptions."

"Yes!" squawked Rosamund, Myrcella's best friend, "we were struggling to come up with a question. Pod, will you help us?"

"Okay," replied the shyest member of the group, getting out his notebook and pen, clearly a little overawed that the two blonde girls were paying him any attention.

When most of the group were distracted putting together a makeshift questionnaire, Jaime turned down the music and leaned across to Brienne. "That was a great teaching moment there, wench. I'm really impressed."

Brienne shot him a filthy look. "How many times? My name is _Brienne."_

* * *

They spent the first night in a kitschy hotel just outside Castle Black. Once Brienne had made sure all her students had eaten and were firmly tucked up in their beds, she retreated into her own room, got into her comfy pyjamas and sat down to watch _Mean Maidens_ on her laptop. She had only just got to the part where Lady Cady Heron was describing her unusual childhood being home-schooled in Sothyros, when there was a knock on the door. Huffing in irritation, Brienne stopped the film, pulled her dressing gown on and went to answer it. Sansa and Arya were both seventeen and sixteen respectively; she did not really want to spend all evening stopping the pair of them arguing...

To her surprise, it was Jaime. When she opened the door, he grinned at her widely and leant against the doorframe, like a terrible date might do in a romcom. At his sudden closeness, Brienne realised he had changed out of the comfortable tracksuit he had been wearing all day into a pair of nice jeans and a crisp shirt. He even smelt suspiciously of cologne.

"Hey, _Brienne,"_ he said, forcefully emphasising her name. "I..."

"What do you want?" she snapped, not really having time for his silly games. It was bad enough that he was ridiculously handsome (and ridiculously smug about it too); he didn't have to rub her face in it. It only highlighted what she was. Ugly.

Making his expression more serious, Jaime said gently, "well, I just thought... as all our students are in bed, whether you wanted to go down to the bar and have a drink with me? It would be nice to have a little adult time, don't you think?"

Even though the thought of _adult time_ with Jaime made Brienne blush, she still shook her head. "No thanks. I'm watching _Mean Maidens."_

The corners of his mouth turned up in a smile. "You can watch _Mean Maidens_ any time. Come and have a drink with me."

Sure he was making fun of her with his shining eyes, his nice shirt, and his rather intoxicating cologne, Brienne just scowled at him. "No," she snarled, before slamming the door in his face.

* * *

On day two of their trip to the North, the indigenous cultures class were taken up the Wall by their freefolk tour guides, Ygritte and Mance. While Mance told stories about brave heroes from long ago climbing the Wall and regaled the excited class with stories of Bael the Bard, Ygritte was more interested in impressing Sansa and Arya with information about contemporary freefolk culture.

"You know we're not all about women stealing and raiding anymore," she said proudly, as the whole group stood atop the Wall, gazing out across the world. "We've got a really cool bar in Whitetree called _The Winter Rose._ It's up there with anything you might find in King's Landing."

Happy that her students were listening with rapt attention to people as knowledgeable about their culture as Mance and Ygritte, Brienne turned her attention to the view, wanting to get lost in the extraordinary beauty of the view of the lands both side of the Wall. Everything looked so peaceful in the snow, and sound was so muffled by that never-ending fluffy blanket that Brienne wondered if this was the only place in the world one could encounter true silence.

Jaime, of course, naturally wanted to challenge that assumption.

"Wench?"

She did not answer him, but instead stared out at a little dot in the distance that she assumed was Winterfell.

"Wench?"

 _I'm not going to answer him,_ she thought sullenly. _Not when he won't even use my name._

"Oh, alright, _Brienne."_

"What?" she snapped, annoyed that he was disturbing her peace.

Pouting slightly, as if he was confused by her reaction, Jaime eventually said, "you know, we're staying at Whitetree tonight."

"I know," she replied slowly, not sure what he was getting at. "I organised the itinerary."

His voice softened in the face of her evident bewilderment. "I realise that, it's just... did you hear what Ygritte said about Whitetree?"

"No?"

"They've got a nightclub, wench," Jaime said, his smile growing. "The students are all over sixteen, so maybe once they are all tucked up in bed we could go out and have a dance."

Brienne rolled her eyes. It was just the type of shit attractive boys used to pull on her at school, when they were determined to make fun of Big Brienne. "Why are you always single-minded about mocking me, huh, Lannister? What have I ever done to you?"

His eyes went very wide at that question. "What? I'm not mocking you..."

"Don't lie, I know you are," she hissed. "You spend years calling me wench, asking me to come and wrestle you at your gym, and telling me my thighs look strong enough to crack open nuts, and then, once you get me alone in the North, you ask me for drinks and to go dancing with you. I don't like being made fun of, okay? So, I would appreciate it if you say as little as possible to me until we get back to King's Landing, and from then on don't talk to me at all. You've made it very clear you don't like me, so can you _please_ stop goading me?"

To her surprise, Jaime had gone a little pale. "Wench, I..."

"It's not _wench,_ okay, Mr Lannister? How many times?"

It was only when a little snow was dislodged by her voice that Brienne realised she was shouting at him. She was being so loud that all her students, Ygritte and Mance, and even a couple of Essosi tourists with selfie sticks were staring at her. The thought that once again she had given people reason to think that she and Jaime had a _thing_ made her go violently red; it was so ludicrous, so ridiculous that she wanted to scream.

When she shot Jaime a quick glance, she saw he looked a little anguished. "Brienne, I'm sorry if I've done anything to upset you..."

"That's always the way with you," she snapped, keeping her voice low, "you can never admit when you are in the wrong, never truly take responsibility for what you've done. I've had enough of your rudeness!"

Without another word she marched away, determined to walk all the way to Eastwatch-by-the-Sea if it meant escaping Jaime and his burning gaze.

* * *

To Brienne's immense relief, Jaime did not attempt to talk to her for the rest of the day; not as they climbed down the Wall, nor when they arrived at their hotel, nor at dinner, nor before she locked herself in her hotel room. Their students still stared at them, and whispered things she couldn't hear to Ygritte and Mance, but Brienne thought it was better than actually having to talk to Jaime, so she put up with it.

It was only the following day that Brienne started to feel guilty. On the bus journey from Whitetree to Craster's Keep - an authentically restored traditional freefolk village that they were going to be staying at for their last night - Jaime just stared out the window looking morose, even as Mance told them monstrous tales of the legendary Craster, who used to sacrifice his male children to the Others.

 _Maybe I hurt him,_ thought Brienne confusedly. _Maybe Jaime's more sensitive than I thought. Maybe I should find some way to apologise later..._

Those worries kept whipping around her mind like a snowstorm until they got to Craster's Keep, where Ygritte and Mance gave the group a tour of the village, telling them all about traditional freefolk love, courting and marriage practices. Brienne was barely listening, however, as her eyes were on Jaime. He was hovering at the edge of the group looking almost crestfallen, clearly not listening to Ygritte and Mance's information either.

 _Why does he look so upset?_ she kept asking herself. _He hates me. Why would he care if I shout at him?_

"Right," came Ygritte's voice from nowhere. "I think Ms Tarth and Mr Lannister will be the best candidates for a demonstration of this tradition. Don't you?"

As all seven of her students cheered, Brienne's attention was suddenly pulled out of thinking about how the hell she was going to apologise to Jaime, and onto whatever Ygritte had been demonstrating. Wanting to show her students she really _had_ been listening to the tour (the reason they were all here), Brienne nodded instantly. "Of course. I'm sure Mr Lannister would agree too, wouldn't he?"

"Yes, I suppose," he said, his voice devoid of its usual spark and verve. To her surprise, it made Brienne feel very sad. However, she could not dwell on that for too long, as Ygritte had taken her hand and was marching her through Craster's Keep while Mance was doing the same to Jaime. Before long, they arrived at a little clearing to the west of the main holding, where there stood a heart tree with a bleeding face. All of Brienne's students were laughing uproariously, especially when a group of musicians turned up carrying drums and bagpipes.

"What are you all laughing at?" asked Jaime suspiciously.

"Nothing," grinned Arya mischievously, "we just love seeing culture in action, that's all."

A few moments later, a blonde haired woman who introduced herself as Val appeared, carrying a rope and a knife. Wanting to appear enthusiastic, Brienne did not ask any questions as Val tied the rope around her left wrist and put the blade in her right. Jaime was not in such an acquiescent mood, however.

"What are you doing?" he inquired, as Val put the other end of the rope in his hand.

"Oh," she smiled sweetly as the students started sniggering once more, "this is just a freefolk custom to remember that our ancestors used to be raiders and reavers in every sense of the word; of cattle, of sheep, of _women..."_

At that moment, the music started up, almost muffling Jaime's following question. "What do we need to do to take part?"

"You just both walk up to the heart tree together. Brienne, if you do not wish to honour this tradition, you cut the rope binding you to Jaime. If you have not done so by the time you reach the tree, Jaime will remove the knife from your hand and throw it to the floor. Then the honouring is done."

That did not sound too hard and, as it seemed to be amusing her students, Brienne let Jaime lead her up to the heart tree, her eyes on the pale white bark and the red eyes of the weirwood. In fact, the only time she looked at him was after he took the knife from her hand, as the moment they touched was so electric it felt as if he had burned her. Gazing into his eyes, for a horrible, terrifying moment, Brienne wondered whether he had felt it too.

She did not get an opportunity to ask, however, as the whole town erupted with cheers and traditional music.

* * *

The rest of the evening felt odd. Although all her students were having a great time trying traditional freefolk food, dancing, and music, Brienne sat to one side, not quite sure what to do with herself. The longer the day went on, the more she became convinced that she had actually upset Jaime on the Wall and felt the pressing need to apologise.

 _Why do I care what he thinks?_ she kept asking herself. _Why do I care?_

Eventually, after several glasses of what Ygritte described as _wildling rum,_ Brienne eventually got the confidence to cross the clearing towards the table where Jaime sat alone, drinking something that looked suspiciously like fermented milk. Knowing that if she stopped for a second she would lose all her courage, Brienne threw herself into the seat beside him and blurted out what she had been dying to say all day.

"I'm sorry I've been such a bitch to you since we came North," she rambled. "I know you didn't _have_ to come on this trip with me, and were only doing me a favour, so... I'm sorry. I will try to be better in the future. I just don't know how to deal with... _you."_

At that simple statement, he looked up at her, his eyes flashing. "What do you mean you don't know how to deal with me?"

Due to the alcohol muddling her mind, Brienne couldn't really find the words. "Well... you've always been you. _Jaime Lannister_. You're blond and you're arrogant and you're _hot_ and you don't know when to keep your mouth shut. It's infuriating."

A blush suddenly came to his cheeks. "You think I'm hot, Tarth?"

"I... I... I..."

Brienne did not have time to answer that question, however, as just then, Ygritte's hand appeared on her shoulder, pulling her to her feet, while Mance did the same to Jaime. "Come on, Ms Tarth," said the wildling girl, a glint in her eye. "We've got to finish the ceremony."

Even though Ygritte and the others were pulling her along, Brienne felt strangely distant from the whole occasion as it slowly dawned on her that the crowd had naturally divided itself into two; the men gathered around Jaime, the women crowded around her. With the sounds of drums and pipes ringing in her ears, Brienne found herself being dragged to a nearby tent, where she was immediately swarmed by everyone's greedy hands.

"Hey!" she cried, as Ygritte, Arya, and Myrcella pulled her jacket off her shoulders, "what is going on?"

"We're getting you ready for the final part of the ceremony!" smiled Val, as if the answer was obvious.

Feeling a little tipsy (and wanting to be culturally sensitive), Brienne let the wildling women strip her down to her underwear and then smear random symbols in blue woad on her face, back, and chest. Once they were done, Brienne decided to press them for information. "So... what is the final part of the ceremony?"

"Consummation, of course!" replied Val cheerfully, as Brienne just looked at her confusedly.

"Consummation of what?"

While the wildling women just stared at each other as if Brienne had just asked a very stupid question, her students giggled. Eventually, it was Arya who broke the tension.

"Why, of your marriage, of course!"

"Marriage, I..."

In spite of her alcohol befuddled brain, the picture suddenly came blindingly into view; the rope, the knife, the weirwood, the stealing, the songs...

 _Oh god,_ she thought suddenly, _I just got married to Jaime Lannister!_

"I can't be married!" she squawked, horrified at what she had unwittingly done. "He wouldn't want me! This is ridiculous! Jaime would never give me the time of day, Jaime would..."

"Oh that's such rubbish!" laughed Ygritte, "he's been undressing you with his eyes all the way from the Wall!"

"What?" asked Brienne confusedly, not believing this could possibly be true. Jaime Lannister was hot and Brienne Tarth... was not. "That's ridiculous, that's..."

She did not have time to voice any more objections however because, with one violent shove, the Stark girls found their sisterhood once more in bundling Brienne through a hidden flap of the tent. On entering, Brienne found herself in a new area that had a very large pile of furs in the middle of the room, which looked suspiciously bed like. Feeling trapped by the giggling of her students and the wildling women on the other side of the material, Brienne turned around to look away from them. She regretted it in an instant, however, as, just at that moment, a half-naked Jaime was shoved into the room too from a flap on the other side, also covered in paint and looking horrified.

Even though she knew this situation was very, _very_ bad, Brienne could not help but feel her throat go dry at the sight of him. She had always suspected underneath his clothes he would be very toned,and her suspicion proved to be true. In fact, the fantasy had nothing on the reality.

"Wench," Jaime croaked eventually, his eyes locked on her and nothing else. "It's cold in here."

"Yes," she agreed, nervously trying to cover herself from his gaze, even as her whole body burned with something other than shame.

At her response, Jaime swallowed so deeply she saw his Adam's Apple bob up and down in his throat. "Do you want to get under the furs? It might be warmer." Brienne was aware that was a tremendously silly idea but, even so, moments later she found herself bundled under the furs with him, trying to resist reaching out and greedily pulling his beautiful body close to her.

For a few moments, they just sat in silence, attempting to find the words.

"So," Jaime eventually managed to say. "Pod tells me that we have just been married in the traditional wildling way."

"Yep," replied Brienne nervously, not quite looking at him. "And apparently this is the point when we're meant to con... con... con..."

"Consummate it?" Jaime supplied.

"Yep," she agreed, even as she flushed. He was so very close and so very warm that Brienne feared she would light up like a firework if they stayed like this much longer. Perhaps sensing her fears, Jaime laid back, letting the furs fall to reveal his perfect chest smattered with golden hair, and a very prominent man v that pointed just _there._ If Brienne felt tipsy before, now she was positively drunk.

"Well," Jaime said casually, "I can think of worse ways to end my weekend north of the Wall."

Pulling her eyes away from his chest, Brienne gazed into his eyes, conveying with her expression that she thought he was insane. "What? There can't be anything worse than being tricked into marriage with me by a bunch of wildlings and our sixth formers?"

Jaime chuckled. "I think the correct term is freefolk, wench."

Previously, _wench_ had irritated Brienne no end, but now they were half-naked under furs together, it felt like the only proper way for Jaime to address her. "I don't care," she spluttered, "please give me one reason why this is not an absolute disaster."

Jaime's eyes suddenly went very soft, sucking in all the limited light in the tent. "Well... I don't think having sex with Brienne Tarth would be such a terrible thing. In fact, I think I would quite enjoy it."

 _He really must be drunk,_ she thought.

"Don't be ridiculous," she barked, half outraged that he was daring to say something so suggestive. "You've hated me since the moment we first met."

At that comment, Jaime just looked confused. "Why do you think that?" he asked, seeming genuinely perplexed.

"You never stop being rude to me!" she declared. "Questioning whether I'm actually a woman, saying you want to throw me down and rip off my clothes, and that stupid thing you said about my thighs being so strong they could crack a nut."

In the limited light afforded by the moon and the few torches outside, Brienne could see that Jaime's expression suddenly became very vulnerable. Expelling a breath he had clearly been holding since being pushed into the room, Jaime looked deeply into her eyes and murmured, "have you considered I might just be really bad at flirting?"

He spoke so quietly that it took a few moments for Brienne's brain to register what he had said. When she did, her mouth dropped open. "Now you are just joking with me."

"I'm not joking," he said earnestly, his green eyes sparkling as he reached out and took her hand. It was so warm that Brienne did not flinch away. "I came on this weekend not to do you a favour but to spend some time with you... to get to know you a little. I tried to get you to come for a drink with me a Castle Black, and then out for a dance at Whitetree because I'm _interested,_ wench, and I have been for... god knows how long."

In any other situation, Brienne would have been convinced he was lying, but Jaime was staring at her with such sincerity that she had to consider he was telling her the truth. "But you are always rude to me..." she began, her voice failing.

"I asked whether you were a man because I couldn't believe someone as strong as you was a woman," he said, his cheeks reddening and his voice becoming huskier by the second. "And I said that thing about throwing you down and ripping off your clothes because... if you want me to do that, I... I... would be honoured."

For months Brienne had been ignoring Margaery and the other teachers' suggestions that her and Mr Lannister had a _thing_ but, now they were here, it seemed blatantly obvious they did. Perhaps she had been so rude to him because she really, really wanted him, and believed wholeheartedly that he could never want her back.

"You... you... can't just discard what you said about my thighs though," she said as her last line of defence, "that really _was_ rude."

At that, Jaime sat up and moved so close that his chest hair was brushing her arm. Brienne knew she would never be strong enough to move away, especially when he brought his mouth close to her ear so he could whisper to her. "I was _impressed,"_ he purred, "and... if you must know... I have a frequent fantasy about having them both pinned either side of my head, holding me in place."

_Oh._

Drawing back to look at him, Brienne noticed that Jaime was just as flushed as she felt, and he was breathing heavily. Suddenly very thankful for the alcohol, Brienne knew she no longer had the strength to continue to confuse hatred for desire, so ended up blurting, "you know, Mr Lannister, I don't think _that_ would technically count as consummation. So... if you wanted... we could still get it on and be unmarried in the morning."

A lustful smile bloomed on his handsome face. "Well, Ms Tarth, that sounds just..."

She never did get to hear how Jaime's sentence finished, as Brienne had smashed her lips against his and then pushed him back onto the furs, kissing and kissing until they were both moaning, and she could taste blood.

And then she stole him, wildling style.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoy! Please consider leaving comments or kudos. They make me sooo happy :)


	2. A Professional Misunderstanding

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After Jaime and Brienne get back from the Wall, they decide to keep their relationship a secret...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys, thanks for coming back!
> 
> This one was based very loosely on yet another anonymous prompt on tumblr "Blind Date + Accidentally Saving the Day". It's just a date, not blind, and the saving the day is fairly minimal, but I hope you enjoy!

Ever since the _incident_ north of the Wall, as Jaime liked to call it, Brienne and King's Landing High's abominably sexy PE teacher had been dating. Like a proper couple. Like they hadn't spent years pretending to hate each other.

"Gods, can you imagine if our colleagues found out," Jaime had laughed as they lay in bed together a few weeks later.

Brienne ran her fingers through his chest hair. "Please don't. Margaery will never shut up about it if she knew."

Jaime sniggered in agreement, "and Renly would probably decide to write a musical about it and stage it as part of King's Landing High dramatics programme next year. Gendry and Arya would probably star as us; they've got the right vibe."

"Probably," Brienne snorted, with a laugh, "so that's why I think we have to keep quiet about it for as long as possible."

"I agree," said Jaime, before quickly reconsidering. "Well, I agree on one condition."

"Which is?"

He smiled. "If we have to keep up the pretence of hating each other at work, we have to be sickly sweet and gross in private."

At that statement, Brienne leant up to kiss him, enjoying the feel of his smile against her lips. When they broke apart, Brienne found that she was grinning too. "Okay, you big softie."

"Pot, kettle, wench," Jaime beamed in response, before rolling her onto her back and climbing on top of her to deepen the kiss.

* * *

As it turned out, the whole _keeping it quiet_ thing relied on several key manoeuvres. Firstly, Brienne had had to bribe all members of her indigenous cultures class who had been witness to her and Jaime's wildling wedding to shut up about it, mostly by bringing them a massive box of chocolates to every lesson. Secondly, Jaime had been forced to call the Westerosi Registry Office based in Lannisport to check whether traditional wildling marriages were legally binding (to the newlyweds’ immense relief, they weren't) and, finally, both Jaime and Brienne had to up the level of pretending they detested each other while at school.

"So," said the headteacher Catelyn at the next staff meeting, "the King's Landing High Ladies Lacrosse team has a game against Flea Bottom High next week, and we need some staff supervising. Mr Lannister will already be in attendance, so we just need one further sacrificial lamb."

At Catelyn's statement, Jaime cocked his eyebrow and turned to Brienne who was sitting down the other end of the table from him. "What do you think, wench? Care to join me in stopping two groups of feral teenage girls killing each other in the field?"

He was looking at her in that sort of teasing, provoking way he often used to get her into bed with him from their previous position on the sofa drinking wine. It made Brienne flush a little. "No, Mr Lannister," she replied, as if she were bored of his constant hectoring of her, "I would probably end up killing _you,_ so that doesn't sound like a good idea."

Brienne knew it was at this moment that Catelyn would usually jump in and order her to go help Jaime at the lacrosse game in the name of team spirit. Before the Wall, Brienne would have been genuinely livid at the prospect, but now she thought she would enjoy being talked into going to help Jaime at the game. After all, once it was over, it would make it easier for them to go out for dinner together, or even to one of their flats for a bit of Jaime-Brienne time.

As expected, Catelyn did try to intervene in the weekly Jaime-Brienne drama. "Maybe it would be good if..."

However, at that moment, she was interrupted. "I don't mind going."

Moving as one, the entirety of King's Landing High's faculty turned their heads to look at the interloper. It was the new art teacher, Miss Pia Harrenhal, who was staring at Jaime in a sort of innocent, unknowing way. Brienne felt a knot begin to twist in her stomach.

"Thank you, Pia," said Catelyn calmly, "that's very kind of you."

Pia shrugged. "It's no trouble, and I'm sure it will help me to get to know my colleagues a little better."

At that unexpected turn of events, Brienne could only watch as Pia gave Jaime a dazzling smile, while he just looked at her confusedly, and a couple of their co-workers exchanged amused glances. It was well-known that any new single female teacher had a high chance on developing a crush on the school's handsome PE teacher, and Pia's reaction to Jaime just seemed to confirm that the tradition would be continued. When all the other teachers shared jokes about it for the rest of the day, Brienne just felt quite sick.

* * *

"You know Pia is after you," said Brienne to Jaime a few days later when they were cuddled up in bed together.

"Yeah," replied Jaime, "I'm not blind. I don't want her though."

Brienne raised a sceptical eyebrow at him. "Why not? She's so pretty."

Jaime lifted himself up off the bed to give her a quick peck on the lips. "She's not you though, is she?"

In spite of herself, Brienne blushed. It was sometimes quite amazing to her that this gorgeous, funny, kind man really wanted her. "Do you like me then, Mr Lannister?" she purred, running her fingers through his chest hair.

"Oh, Ms Tarth," he smiled, "I like you a _lot."_

And then he pulled her down on top of him for another kiss.

Even though Brienne was fully trusting of the fact that Jaime liked her, over the next few weeks, it was quite difficult to watch as Pia made herself available every time Jaime needed the slightest bit of help; whether that was carrying boxes, or with unruly students, or extra marking. For some reason, Pia was always there every time Jaime voiced the slightest complaint about anything and would reply with simpering platitudes, which drove Brienne mad. Every time she witnessed Pia making one of her unsubtle moves, Brienne was overwhelmed by the desire to intervene, even though she knew it would do nothing but blow her and Jaime's cover. Therefore, due to their continued quest to pretend to hate each other at work, Brienne was forced to watch Pia flutter around Jaime like a pretty twittering bird every lunchtime without doing anything, while she sat in the corner eating her disgustingly healthy salad.

"You know you are staring daggers at Pia," said Margaery, sitting down beside her with her own leafy monstrosity. "I realise you and Jaime have a _thing,_ but Pia is actually quite nice once you get to know her."

"Mr Lannister and I do not have a _thing,_ " Brienne insisted, stabbing at her salad a little too aggressively. "Why does everyone think that?"

Margaery grinned at her in amusement, "because ever since you have worked together, there's been so much tension it's like someone is cracking two sticks of dynamite together. One day, it's going to explode."

Brienne had to admit it was feeling a little explosive later that evening when she had her face pressed into her pillow, while Jaime was pounding into her from behind, his fingers digging into her hips. "Fuck..." he growled as he thrust inside her again and again. "Yes... yes... _yes..._ "

When he came inside her, it pushed Brienne over the edge too, and after experiencing a tour of the sun, the sky, and all the stars, she just slumped against the bed, weak and boneless. It did not take long for Jaime to retreat and join her on the bed, pulling her close as he lay next to her, kissing her so delicately as if what they had just done had not been passionate, furious and downright feral.

"Jaime," Brienne whispered, enjoying the feel of him naked and sweaty so close to her. "Do we have a thing?"

He narrowed his eyes at her. "What do you mean?"

"I mean..." said Brienne, trying again, "today at school Margaery said we had a _thing_. She was just talking about sexual tension, but it got me thinking. Are we... exclusive?"

Even as Jaime smiled at her, he looked a little unsure. "Are you sleeping with anyone else?"

"No, of course not."

His grin grew bigger, "neither am I. So I guess we _are_ exclusive."

"I guess we are," Brienne agreed, before leaning forward to kiss him. When they broke apart, Jaime looked almost misty-eyed.

"Brienne?"

"Mmm?"

"So... if we are exclusive... does that make you my girlfriend?"

To her immense surprise, Jaime seemed tentative and hesitant as he asked her that question. Wanting to reassure him, she cupped his face with her hands. "If you want me to be your girlfriend."

He exhaled in relief. "Of course I do," he grinned, showing his dimples. "And do you want me to be your boyfriend?"

"Yes, I do," she replied, hardly able to prevent the bubble of warmth growing in her chest. "Who would have ever thought it, eh? Us two; boyfriend and girlfriend."

"Me," replied Jaime earnestly, before rolling on top of her once more. "Me."

* * *

To the mark the occasion of becoming boyfriend and girlfriend, Jaime turned up the following evening with a beautiful bunch of flowers for Brienne in pink, white, and blue, complete with a little card saying _For My Girlfriend xxx._ It was so sweet that Brienne outright burst into tears, and Jaime had to spend the rest of the evening comforting her with kisses and sex. Brienne was still so heart warmed by the gesture, that when she turned up at school the following morning, she was still walking on cloud nine, supremely happy at having a lovely boyfriend who cared about her, even if she had to pretend to hate him at work. Humming joyfully to herself, she almost missed Margaery and Renly gossiping conspiratorially in the corner.

"Psst!" called out Renly, grabbing Brienne's attention. "Tarth! Come here! Psst!" Rolling her eyes affectionately, Brienne went to join the drama teacher and the maths teacher at their table, wondering what an earth was going on.

"What's the matter?" asked Brienne, putting her rucksack on the table.

Renly leaned forward, as if he were the holder of top secret information that had to be imparted with care. "You will be pleased to hear that the faculty of King's Landing High is finally about to accept that you and our resident sexy PE teacher do not have a _thing."_

Brienne looked confusedly at both Renly and Margaery, knowing full well that she and her boyfriend had confirmed there was a _thing_ between them multiple times the previous night. Even so, she remained quiet. "Oh, why is that then?"

"Well," smiled Margaery, shuffling closer to Brienne. "Yesterday, Loras popped into _Highgarden Florists_ to get some flowers for our grandmother's birthday."

"Right..." said Brienne slowly, not quite seeing what she was getting at.

"But Loras was not the only one there," Margaery said, her words getting quicker with the mounting tension. "He saw Jaime there ordering flowers, and you will never guess who he asked the card to be made out to?"

Even though Brienne knew the answer, she decided to play dumb. "Who?"

"To his _girlfriend,_ kiss kiss kiss!" finished Renly, sounding too excited for what was mundane piece of school gossip. "Him and Pia must have finally got it on!"

"Jaime and Pia?" scoffed Brienne, "but they've barely known each other five minutes!"

At Brienne's objection, Margaery looked at her knowingly. "Jealous, are you, Brienne?"

"No!" replied Brienne, a little too loud for it to be fully believable, "I'm just pointing out the implausibility of Jaime and Pia being together at this point. He's the type of guy who needs a real emotional, romantic connection based on mutual trust as well as physical passion. Therefore, it is too soon for him to go out with Pia; he would need longer to foster that relationship."

Brienne only realised she had said something monumentally revealing and stupid when both Renly and Margaery stared at her as if she had just announced she was going to move to Asshai and become a shadowbinder. Panicking slightly, Brienne began to search around for something to say that would distract them both from the fact she had just revealed she at least had given a lot of considered thought to Mr Lannister's romantic preferences. However, thankfully, Jaime chose that moment to come and rescue her.

"Brienne," he said, his tone serious. "Do you mind coming to the art department with me? Pia has just discovered there is not enough room to exhibit the sixth formers artwork in the art rooms, and the examiners will be here in a few hours? Could you help me move them to the gym?"

"Sure, I have a free period," replied Brienne, thankful that she had an excuse to run away very fast from Renly and Margaery. Leaping to her feet, Brienne could not help but notice the drama teacher and maths teacher were both giving her incredulous stares but, not wanting to give them any more ammunition for gossip, she let Jaime lead her away without another word.

* * *

"Thank you, Jaime!" cried Pia, almost breathless after the three of them had spent an hour lugging an assortment of sixth formers artwork over to the gym, "you totally saved the day!"

In her jubilation, Pia flung her arms around Jaime's neck, but he was very quick to peel her off him. "That's alright Pia. I'm glad I could be of help."

At that bland platitude, Pia smiled at Jaime in such a sickly sweet way that Brienne had to suppress the urge to vomit. Perhaps sensing something in her expression, Jaime narrowed his eyes at Brienne. "Are you heading back to the staff room, wench?"

"Yeah, I need to pick up my bag before my first class," she replied. "Do you want to come with?"

"Sure," Jaime said casually, taking a few steps forward so he was level with Brienne. Just then, he remembered Pia existed. "Oh, right, Pia... I'll see you later, yeah?"

"Okay," said the art teacher a little confusedly. It seemed as if she was going to add something else, but then one of her sixth formers came and interrupted, leaving a space free for Jaime and Brienne to make their escape.

They were halfway down the corridor when Jaime brushed his fingers against hers in total contravention of their pretending to hate each other rule. Gasping, Brienne turned her head to look at him. "What are you doing? We're at school. What if someone sees?"

Jaime smiled at her sadly. "One day, I would like our colleagues to know about us." His expression was so tender that it melted her heart.

"They will," she said gently, reaching across to brush his fingers with her own in return, "it's just... not yet. Can you imagine the reaction? By the end of the day, half of the faculty are going to think Pia is your secret girlfriend..."

Jaime's eyes widened in surprise. "Why? Because I helped her carry a bit of artwork to the gym?"

"No," replied Brienne gently, keeping her voice low, "it's because Renly's boyfriend saw you buying those flowers for me, addressed to _my girlfriend,_ and he thinks Pia seems like the most likely candidate."

"But I thought everyone believed that we have a thing?"

"They did," Brienne concurred, "but as we've not done anything noticeable about it for years, the fact you are now buying flowers for a girlfriend at the same time that Pia is being notably flirty seems to be a good indicator of what is really going on."

"Only we know what's really going on," he replied gruffly, before drawing close and whispering to her, "only we know that I used my tongue on you on our wedding night north of the wall, and I have every night since."

"Jaime!" she said, outraged, but he refused to stop.

"Only we know you like having me in your mouth, and that we like wrestling, kissing, and fucking all at once."

"You've got to stop," she replied, going red in the face. They were at school, and here he was whispering all the dirty things they did to each other in the safety of their own beds.

"And only we know that on Friday night, I've got us a reservation at a posh restaurant on the Waterfront, and then after we've finished gorging ourselves, we are going to go back to my flat and spend the whole weekend fucking."

Brienne pulled away from him, her eyes bright. "You've booked a restaurant?"

"Yep," he said proudly, "it's called _Xho's_ and it specialises in Summer Islander cuisine. I've wanted to try it for a while, and I thought you might want to come with."

She could not help but return his grin. "Of course I would! It sounds amazing and... _oh."_

"What?"

"Aren't we meant to be going to Euron's leaving party?" she asked a little sadly. The geography teacher, Mr Greyjoy, was transferring to a school in Oldtown, and had invited most of the staff for a farewell meal.

Jaime let out a disgusted scoffing sound. "You know he didn't invite me."

"Why?"

"Ever since we had that fight on the beach during the school geography trip over him being an absolute twat to his TA Missandei, he's hated my guts."

"Oh yeah," replied Brienne, the details of the fight suddenly coming back to her.

Due to her subsequent silence, Jaime gave Brienne a puppy dog look, all big green eyes and pouty lips. "Can you get out of it? Say you are sick or something."

"I guess I can," Brienne said dramatically, rolling her eyes as if it were all such a big chore instead of something that she genuinely relished. "Euron's changed the venue so many times that I'd be surprised if it still went ahead, to be honest."

At her acquiescence to his plan, Jaime smiled at her, all sun and starlight. "Great, wench. Instead of Euron's stupid party, you can let me buy you dinner at _Xho's_ ," he grinned, playfully bumping his shoulder against hers.

"You are such a terrible human," she teased, "leading me into doing all sorts of dishonourable things."

His smile grew larger as he moved closer once more. "Oh, you love it when I make you a dishonourable woman, wench, especially when I bend you over and you take my cock..."

Just at that moment, Renly and Margaery rounded the corner carrying a big pile of props for the drama department. The second Brienne spotted them, she leapt away from Jaime as if he had just burnt her, but she was worried she was too late. Margaery was gazing at the two of them suspiciously, while Renly was wearing a knowing grin.

"I think that's a terrible idea, Mr Lannister," Brienne declared loudly, sticking her nose in the air like a haughty heiress. "How dare you suggest something like that!"

Jaime rolled his eyes, falling into the familiar routine they knew so well. "Because someone has to come up with an idea, wench, and I'm fed up of you being so indecisive all the time."

"Whatever Mr Lannister," declared Brienne, as if she were thoroughly bored of their conversation. Just then, the bell rang. "I really must go and get to class now. We can discuss this later."

And without another word, Brienne breezed past Renly and Margaery as if they had not just caught her and Jaime whispering together in the corridor, determined to act as if she did not care for her PE teacher boyfriend at all.

Later, after class, she had a message from him.

 _Secret Boyf:_ So, are we still on for Friday? xxx

* * *

When Jaime and Brienne arrived at _Xho's_ on Friday evening, Brienne felt like the luckiest woman in the world. Her boyfriend was wearing a lovely smart casual suit, every inch the gentleman, while he had been positively gushing about the daring blue jumpsuit she had decided to put on.

"I am going to have great fun peeling that off you later," he grinned once they were sat down at the table for two downstairs in the cellar.

At first, Brienne had been disappointed they were not going to get the views of the river one could appreciate on the next floor up, but before long she could see the benefits of the cellar. It was warm and cosy and, to Brienne's pleasure, the only other table - a long one for events - was empty, meaning she could be a little bit more intimate with Jaime than she would have upstairs.

"Mmm..." purred Jaime, once the waiter had taken away their starter plates, allowing him the peace and quiet to wrap his arm around Brienne and bury his nose in her neck. "You smell so good. Are you wearing a perfume?"

"Yes," she replied with a laugh as he began to nuzzle her, "it's called _Eau de Brienne._ "

"I love it," he growled, before lifting his face from her neck and drawing her in for a kiss. Their tongues had just started to get entangled when he pulled away suddenly, his eyes wide. "Oh! I forgot!"

"What?" she said, half amused, half annoyed that he had deprived her of his kiss. The irritation went away a few seconds later when Jaime reached into his jacket pocket and pulled out a small, square box.

"I forgot that I got you a present," he smiled, looking so incredibly sincere that it made Brienne feel all squiggly inside.

"You didn't have to," she said, lifting the box up.

"I know," he shrugged, blushing, "I just wanted to."

Smiling gratefully, Brienne opened the box to discover a crescent moon necklace on a silver chain, decorated with little diamonds and sapphires. Brienne's mouth opened in shock. "Jaime! This is too much!"

"No it's not," he replied, taking it from her and unclasping the chain. "Will you put it on for me?"

"Of course!" Brienne cried, turning in her seat to give him better access. She had to suppress a shiver when Jaime brushed her hair over her shoulder with one hand, and then drew close in order to fix the necklace in place. Once it was done up, Brienne touched the little crescent moon lightly with her fingers before turning back to her boyfriend. "Oh, it's so beautiful!"

"I'm glad you like it," Jaime managed to say, before Brienne wrapped her arms around his neck and pulled him in for another kiss. This time it was soft and slow, and the entirety of Brienne's body felt like it was on fire as he ran his hands over her.

When they stopped kissing, Brienne kept hold of her boyfriend, amazed that they were here, together, after everything that had happened between them. "I don't just like it," she squawked, "I _love_ it."

In spite of her excitement and enthusiasm, Jaime's expression remained soft. "A little like how I feel for you then..."

Brienne blinked at him. "What?"

"I suppose, this necklace is my way of saying I love you, wench," said Jaime quietly, his eyes bright. When Brienne only responded with an incredulous stare, he gave her a soothing look. "Oh, don't worry, I know it is an utterly mad thing to say... we haven't been together that long... so, don't feel pressured or anything to say it back. It's just... I wanted you to know."

Too overwhelmed to reply to him in mere words, Brienne pulled him too her once more and kissed him with everything she had, everything she possessed. Never in her wildest dreams would she have believed that being pushed into a traditional wildling wedding by a bunch of sixth formers would lead her to Jaime, a man she had once got her feelings totally misconstrued for but now couldn't live without. She was so lost in the kiss that she barely noticed a large group coming down the stairs into the basement of _Xho's,_ and only became fully aware once a familiar voice butted into the moment.

"Oh. My. Gods."

Breaking the kiss, Jaime and Brienne turned as one to look at who had interrupted them, only to discover the entirety of the faculty of King's Landing High had just arrived in _Xho's_ cellar for Euron's party after the venue had been changed yet again. It was Renly who had spoken, and he was staring at them with all the excitement he could usually only muster for an episode of _Varys' Drag Race._ Margaery was standing beside him, one hand covering her mouth, while Pia was looking a little horrified at the back. Catelyn was gazing at them both with a kind of cool amusement.

"So, Mr Lannister, Ms Tarth," she asked, one eyebrow raised, "could you please tell me what you are both doing in the basement of this very romantic Summer Islander restaurant on a Friday evening when you should be in attendance at Euron's leaving party?"

There was a momentary silence in which Brienne wondered whether it was possible for the entirety of _Xho's_ to come collapsing on everyone's heads to put them all out of their misery. However, Jaime decided to take charge of the situation. Letting go of Brienne, he shuffled away from her. "It's not what it looks like."

"No?" smiled Catelyn, clearly enjoying watching them squirm. "What is going on then?"

"Well," began Jaime, trying to put something vaguely plausible together, "Ms Tarth wanted to do something on the Ancient Summer Islands for her indigenous cultures class, and as I went with her on the trip north of the Wall, we were just discussing ideas."

Catelyn outright chuckled at that, while Renly gave Brienne an incredulous look. "Brienne, are you going to stick by that preposterous story?"

After shooting Jaime a quick look, Brienne turned back to all her colleagues and took a deep, deep breath. "No," she said quietly, "I'm not."

Margaery smiled at her teasingly. "And why is that?"

Turning to Jaime once more, Brienne looked for reassurance. Luckily, she found it instantly, so did not have any fear when she finally publicly locked her fingers with his. "Umm... so... Mr Lannister... I mean... _Jaime_ and I are... err... boyfriend and girlfriend... and we're on a date."

There was a hubbub of unexpected delight from all their colleagues at that; Renly and Margaery cheered, Cat laughed, while Mr Blackwater the Woodwork teacher and Mr Marbrand the Physics teacher started discussing who had won a bet on the issue.

"I knew you two had a thing!" declared Margaery triumphantly. "You were just getting too upset over the whole possibility that Jaime liked someone else, Brienne."

"Oh were you now," interjected Jaime, slinging an arm around Brienne's shoulder. "And I thought you hated my guts."

"Well, you are quite wrong there, Mr Lannister," she smiled. "Quite wrong."

* * *

In the end, Jaime and Brienne went and joined the other teachers at their large events table when it became clear that there was no way in hell that Renly, Margaery, Bronn, and Addam in particular were going to let them get on with their date in peace. Two chairs were drawn up for them down the end of the table occupied by Renly and Margaery, so the grilling began immediately.

"How long has this been going on for?" asked Margaery, taking a sip of her wine.

"A few months," admitted Brienne sheepishly, while Jaime put an arm around her shoulder. "We ended up getting married north of the Wall during the school trip, and things just spiralled from there..."

"YOU WHAT?" shouted Renly and Margaery in unison, forcing Jaime and Brienne to go through the whole story from beginning to end.

Once the dinner was over, the whole faculty went and stood on the pavement outside _Xho's_ and called taxis. As it was getting chilly, Brienne found herself shivering, to which Jaime took off his jacket and slung it over her shoulders. "Better, wench?"

"Better," Brienne replied, warmed by his smile and all the wine she had drunk, "but do you know what would be even better?"

"What?"

" _This_ ," she said, before pulling him into a close embrace, resting her head on his shoulder. Close and warm, Brienne could not help but appreciate the little sigh Jaime let out that tickled her ear.

It seemed other people were not so keen on letting Brienne have a tender moment with her boyfriend, however.

"Brienne," interrupted Margaery.

"Mmm?" she replied, her lips pressed into Jaime's shoulder.

"Do you want to share a taxi with Renly and me? We all live relatively close to one another."

Pulling away from Jaime, Brienne turned to Margaery, blushing. "Actually... I'm... err... spending the weekend at Jaime's."

" _Oh_ ," said Margaery pointedly, knowing full well what that means. "Well, have a good time. Practice safe sex and all that."

"Margaery!"

"What?" she laughed. "You two spend years pretending you hate each other, so now you've got together it's only fair I'm allowed to make jokes."

Jaime sniggered at that comment, which made Brienne give him a firm look. "What are you laughing at, Mr Lannister?"

"You," he smiled. "You and your perpetual indignant outrage."

Once, Brienne might have been angry at that comment from him but, given everything that had passed between them, it was clear that it came from a place of utmost affection and love. Therefore, Brienne felt that, even though they were surrounded by their colleagues and waiting for taxis in the freezing cold, it was the perfect time to lean forward and whisper in his ear...

"I love you too."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As ever, I love comments and kudos! Hopefully, the final chapter will be with you soon!


	3. A Romantic Misunderstanding

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Brienne knew things between her and Jaime were going far FAR too well...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am sorry this has taken so long. I had the whole thing written out a little while ago, but then I realised I hated it all and deleted it to start again. And then real life hit me like a freight train and I've been slower updating. So, if you are also waiting for "Zombie Horror Hordes", "Evenstar", or "Baby Mama", don't worry... they are still coming (in that order).
> 
> Anyway, back to this fic. If any of you are fans of British sitcoms, you may notice that the plot (and a teeny bit of the dialogue too) has been unceremoniously nicked from an episode of "The Vicar of Dibley". I just thought that whole scenario was just perfect for this JB and everything that have gone through, so I hope you enjoy.

To Brienne's surprise, she did not find going public with Jaime quite as terrifying as she expected. As the reality of their relationship had been accidentally announced at _Xho's,_ all their colleagues were aware of the situation, so nobody really gave them a second glance if he pecked her on the cheek in the staff room or held her hand during meetings. In fact, it was nosy students who were the worst.

"Ms Tarth?" came Mya Stone's voice, once Brienne had finished explained to her Year 10 class the finer points of sibling conflict during the Dance with Dragons.

"Yes Mya?" asked Brienne. "Do you have a question about the assignment?"

"No, not that exactly..."

"What then?"

Mya shot a glance at Jeyne Poole, setting the other girl grinning mischievously, before she turned back to Brienne. "Ms Tarth, are you and Mr Lannister going out?"

There was a surreptitious giggle from the whole class at that, which made a little blush come to Brienne's cheeks. "Is that really any of your business, Mya?" asked Brienne, proceeding to shuffle her papers on her desk to hide her embarrassment.

"I suppose not..."

"Then can you please focus on writing me a paragraph on the reasons why the personal relationship between Rhaenyra Targaryen and Alicent Hightower had a significant impact on factional disputes during the Dance with Dragons?"

"I..."

" _Now_ , Mya," said Brienne forcefully. "Now."

At lunchtime, Brienne had to walk past half the student body in the canteen as she went to find somewhere to sit with her thoroughly healthy salad. Out of the corner of her eye she spotted Jaime, who was sitting at a small table with Renly. Even though he waved at her, Brienne pretended she had not noticed him and went to sit on her own, stabbing her salad in irritation. It wasn't that she didn't want anyone to know about her and Jaime - her colleagues knew after all - but Brienne was aware what it was like to be the subject of malicious high school gossip. If the fact of her relationship with Jaime got out to the student body, they would be discussing it on social media and twisting everything until it was a molten lump that did not resemble the actual truth. Brienne was enjoying her relationship with Jaime so much that she couldn't bear for that to happen, as she hated to think that what they were doing could be distorted into something dirty or unseemly.

Jaime did not seem to have the same fear of discovery, however.

"Hey wench," he said as he came to sit down beside her with his own lunch. "Didn't you see me? I waved."

"I saw," Brienne said quietly, looking down at her salad. "It's just... my class were gossiping today."

"About what?" Jaime asked confusedly.

"Us."

Given her subdued tone, Jaime furrowed his brow. "And you don't like that?"

"I don't like it if people have the opportunities to spread falsehoods about us, no, and that's all it will be if any of the students know."

Jaime let out a huff of laughter. "Your indigenous cultures class know all about us. Hells, they even got us together north of the Wall, and we know they haven't been spreading lies."

"That's only because I've been bribing them with chocolate," she muttered darkly, stabbing a cherry tomato with a fork in a flash of annoyance. This extensive bribing programme was really putting her out of pocket.

Sensing her disquiet, Jaime nudged her with his shoulder and made Brienne turn around to look at him. "What is the big deal if the students know? Sure, they might spread silly gossip and chat about us on social media, but we can handle it."

Feeling confident in his statement, Jaime tried to reach for her hand under the table, but Brienne batted him away. "Have you ever listened to what our more feral kids say? You are known as Mr Sexy, and some of the stuff written about you on the walls of the girls’ bathrooms is obscene."

Jaime looked quite pleased with that. "Really?"

"Yes," said Brienne, turning back to her salad, as Jaime continued to grin. "So if Mr Sexy becomes Mr Taken, can you imagine what they will say about me?"

Jaime inched slightly closer to her and then put on a silly falsetto in impersonation of a teenage girl. "Oh _gods,_ that Ms Tarth must be a total sex bomb if she's got that Sexy Mr Lannister in bed."

"Shut up," replied Brienne, trying and failing to bat down a smile.

"I bet he's so satisfying and makes her scream."

"Shut _up_ ," said Brienne, biting her lip in an effort to stop herself giggling.

"And I bet he's got a really big..."

Slamming her hand over Jaime's mouth, Brienne had to fight to keep her expression stern as he chuckled against her fingers. "Don't you _dare_ say what I think you are going to say, Mr Lannister."

"Wha?" he mumbled into her palm, his smile reaching his eyes.

"We are at school," Brienne said firmly, "we have to keep it PG, so can you please promise me you will not say what I think you are about to say when I take my hand of your mouth? If any of the students even caught a _whisper_ of what you are about to suggest..."

"Mmmkay memch," Jaime said, which Brienne took as _okay wench._

However, once she had taken her hand off his mouth, she regretted it instantly, as Jaime leant forward and whispered, "and I bet Mr Lannister's got a really big cock that Ms Tarth _loves_ to handle."

"I think this might be grounds for a dumping," said Brienne in faux disgust, rolling her eyes. Jaime just smiled.

"You know it is true."

"Even if it is true... and I'm _not_ saying it is," retorted Brienne, holding a warning finger up at Jaime as he continued to smirk, "you are going to shut up about it, as I do not want the students to know."

"About my cock or the fact we're together?"

"Both!" huffed Brienne.

Shaking his head affectionately, Jaime smiled at her. "Okay wench, I'll keep it to myself, if only because I love you."

That made her feel unexpectedly soft. "Good. I love you too, but please can we keep it a secret from the kids?"

* * *

In her attempt to keep rumours of her relationship spreading amongst the student body, Brienne had to keep up with the bi-weekly bribery of her indigenous cultures class. At first, it had relied on Brienne buying them a cheap box of chocolates from the supermarket but, sensing her desperation, they had upped their price. Consequently, Brienne was now having to splash out on expensive Lysene chocolate twice a week, which Arya would eat slowly in the middle of class just to prove the extent of her power.

"Mmmmmmmm," moaned the teenage rebel halfway through their test on Dothraki folk music, "I like this one. Has it got caramel in it?"

"No, just praline," corrected Gendry, stopping his work to check the wrapper.

"Arya, Gendry, can you please go back to your tests?" asked Brienne wearily, wanting to use the ten minutes of peace and quiet she would get to do some marking.

"But it is nearly the end of the year!" he protested. "School finishes in a week and we've finished all our exams. Why are you still giving us tests?"

"Because you said you wanted to continue taking this course next year," replied Brienne patiently. "And, anyway, the end of term showcase is happening a week today. As the sixth formers are always expected to do something to demonstrate how hard they've been working, I was wondering whether you would like to do a performance of Dothraki throat singing?"

Brienne felt she knew her class fairly well, so had expected them to put on a round of faux shyness before eventually acquiescing to her plan. Instead, Rosamund started giggling and then everyone else followed. Everyone other than Sansa, that was.

"Hey," she cried, raising her voice over the hubbub. "I think it is a good idea."

"That's only because you are a good singer and want to show off," Arya accused her, "but the rest of us are terrible. I don't think the whole school want to hear Gendry and Pod making goat sounds while we all dance around them pretending to bless a dead horse."

"I think that is a slight simplification of Dothraki traditions," began Brienne, before finding herself interrupted by Gendry.

"Why not?" he said, a little outraged. "Pod and I would make great members of the mighty Dothraki khalasar."

"Of course you would," said Arya sarcastically, rolling her eyes. "Even so, I still don't want to do Dothraki throat singing in front of the entire school."

Slightly disappointed that her idea had been crushed so easily, Brienne nevertheless tried to press ahead. "Well, this class _does_ have a slot in the end of term show case, and we have two lessons before Friday in which you can prepare something. So, does anyone have any ideas?"

At that question, there was an unsure silence, only stalled when Arya thrust her hand in the air. "What about Skagosi unicorn racing?"

"Health and Safety hazard," said Brienne swiftly before that idea could take hold. "Any other ideas?"

"R'hllor fire sacrifices," offered Sansa. "I suggest we start with Arya."

As the younger Stark sibling stuck her tongue out at her sister, Shireen timidly put up her hand. "Yes, Shireen?" asked Brienne, pleased that one of the quiet members of the class was talking.

"What about wilding wedding traditions?" she asked. "I mean, when we all went north of the wall, we saw you and Mr Lannister get sort-of married, so why don't we try and recreate that? We already know the music, and maybe we could rope two teachers in again to make it funny."

Brienne had to admit that was quite a good idea and, clearly, the rest of the class seemed to agree. "Yes!" smiled Rosamund. "Sansa, Myrcella, and I can do the costumes."

"And I can arrange the music!" said Pod excitedly.

"Oooh, I can be director and in charge of casting!" grinned Arya enthusiastically. "We could perhaps get Mr Baratheon to play the groom, because that would just be hilarious, and maybe Miss Tyrell can be the bride. She would be up for a laugh."

"Oh," scoffed Brienne in faux indignation, "so I, your _teacher,_ who dragged you all north of the wall, am not going to be part or your re-enactment?"

"Of course you are!" declared Arya, a mischievous glint in her eye.

"What am I going to be then?" asked Brienne, hoping for something cool.

"You are going to play the weirwood who narrates everything," beamed Arya. "You are tall enough, after all."

* * *

Due to Arya's directing, the sixth formers got _so_ excited about the end of term showcase that they begged to come back for an hour after school to finish the weirwood headdress they were making. Not wanting to discourage their learning, Brienne agreed, even though she knew it would put her back on her marking and probably mean she would not have time to visit Jaime after he finished leading basketball practice.

 _Brienne:_ Hey sweetheart, I am going to have to stay late tonight, so I probably won't have time to come over this evening. I don't want to disturb your beauty sleep after all. Love u xxx

Normally, Brienne would have expected a needling response from Jaime, trying to get her to change her mind, so she was a little surprised by his message when it arrived a few minutes later.

 _Jaime:_ I was just about to message you too! I am quite busy tonight, so don't worry about it. I'll see you tomorrow beloved wench xxx

Brienne was just about to message Jaime to ask what exactly he was doing after basketball practice, but then Pia came in and started crying about the photocopier in the staff room, so she quite forgot.

In fact, Brienne only remembered what she was going to ask Jaime several hours later when her sixth formers had gone and the caretaker, Sandor, knocked on the door while Brienne was engrossed in her marking. Jumping out of her skin, Brienne sent a stack of essays on the Doom of Valyria flying to the floor. "Ah, sorry Sandor," she said as the caretaker came into the room and attempted to help her pick up the sheets. "I was so involved with my work I didn't see you there."

"It's no matter," he replied gruffly as he put a stack of disordered essay sheets on the table. "I was just coming to tell you that I need to lock up, so I'm going to have to kick you out."

Quickly flicking her eyes to her watch, Brienne was surprised to discover that it was half past seven. "Oh gods, of course!" she cried, picking up her bag and stuffing her work away. "Sorry to keep you."

"Don't worry, it's fine."

Brienne worked speedily to make sure everything was away as quick as possible, so in the end she was ready to go in less than five minutes. "Thanks for waiting, Mr Clegane, I suppose I will see you..."

"Oh, one thing before you go," interjected Sandor. Reaching into his rucksack, he pulled out a designer red hoodie. "Is this your boyfriend's? I found it when I did one last look around the gym."

Given the fact that it was monogrammed in gold thread, Brienne thought there was no mistaking that hoodie as belonging to anyone other than Jaime, so she let out a little chuckle. "Yes, that's his. Do you want me to take it for him?"

"Yes please," said Sandor. "You'll probably see him before me."

Therefore, even though Brienne had made no plans with Jaime that evening, she found herself driving over to his to drop off his hoodie. On the way she picked up a box of chocolates and a bottle of wine, figuring if he had time to share them then they were in for a good night, and if they didn't well... she could go and have a date with one of her streaming services. When she pulled up outside Jaime's flat, Brienne fiddled around with her bag, taking out the essays and putting them on the back seat before replacing them with Jaime's hoodie, the chocolate, and the wine. Once everything was in order, Brienne slung her bag over her shoulder and made to get out of the car, until she spotted something that made her freeze.

A taxi had just pulled up in front of Jaime's apartment block and, when the door swung open, the most beautiful woman Brienne had ever seen got out. Not only did it look as if she had a pair of emeralds thrust in her eye sockets, she went in and out in all the right places, and was crowned by the most majestic blonde mane of golden hair that had ever existed. Brienne was not usually the type to get jealous about superficial things - she believed there were more important things - but then she saw something that made her stomach swoop. Jaime was waiting at the front door, a huge smile on his face. Mirroring his expression, the woman ran up the steps to meet him and, when she reached him, he threw his arms around her and pressed a kiss on her cheek. When they broke apart, Jaime slung an arm around her shoulder and led her into the block of flats, while she smiled at him like a sunflower reaching for the sky.

Scared she would vomit, faint, or punch someone if she waited there a moment longer, Brienne revved up the car and drove off as quickly as she possibly could, not wanting to believe this nightmare could be real.

* * *

_There's got to be a sensible explanation for this,_ Brienne told herself over and over again as she tossed and turned in her sleep. _He can't be cheating on me... he can't. Jaime loves me, I know he does._

_I know he does._

Even though, in her heart of hearts, Brienne wanted to believe in Jaime's love, she was still overwhelmed by fear and suspicion. She had never been the luckiest person in love and knew that Jaime was ludicrously out of her league at the best of times, so did not see it being too unlikely that someone as beautiful as the mysterious blonde she had seen on Jaime's doorstop could turn his head. However, at the same time, Brienne did not want to get carried away with untruths, so decided the best thing to do was to undertake a little investigation before she decided how to play her hand.

Therefore, the next morning, Brienne made sure she was up bright and early so she could drive over to Jaime's to do some spying. As it was a Saturday, Brienne suspected that Jaime would have a lie in. Even so, she wanted to make sure that the mysterious woman had not stayed overnight at Jaime's flat, so, armed with a breakfast muffin, Brienne prepared for a stakeout.

Although Brienne was prepared for the long haul, in the end, it did not last too long. After a couple of false alarms, at nine o'clock Brienne saw the door of Jaime's building swing open to reveal not only Brienne's boyfriend, but the blonde homewrecker he had invited in the night before. Like Jaime, she seemed to have a penchant for designer clothing, as she was wearing an _Ellaria_ summer dress which fit her like a glove. Just as he had the day before, Jaime slung an arm around her shoulder, and then the two of them began to walk down the road idly chatting. Throwing her half-eaten breakfast muffin on the seat beside her, Brienne kicked the car into life and began to follow Jaime and his hussy down the road, trying to keep her cool.

 _Maybe they're old friends,_ she thought. _Maybe they're..._

Yet Jaime did not take his arm from around the woman's shoulders until they arrived at the swish breakfast place about ten minutes from his house that he had taken Brienne on plenty of morning dates to.

_She slept over at his place, and now he is taking her for a morning after breakfast._

The last straw was when Jaime held open the door to the restaurant for the unnamed woman, and she sashayed in front of him, flicking the cascade of hair over her shoulder. Jaime then said something and followed her inside, standing much too close to be just friends.

As Brienne drove home, she could barely see where she was going because her vision was blurred by tears. For once in her life, she had thought she was in possession of something good; a loving, caring, _sweet_ relationship with Jaime. Yet it now seemed like it was nothing but a lie if he was having random beautiful women sleeping over at his flat and then taking them out for breakfast in the morning.

Desperately needing time alone, once Brienne got home, she went and locked herself in her room, throwing herself on her bed as she let the tears fall. Overcome and emotional, Brienne sobbed herself to sleep, preferring that peaceful oblivion instead of facing the truth. She did not know how long she slept for, but it must have been a few hours, because eventually she was awoken by the sound of her phone.

 _Jaime:_ Hey B, just wondering if you wanted to meet up later today? I missed you last night and would love to see you xxx

 _Liar,_ she thought.

* * *

After seeing Jaime with the woman, Brienne spent the rest of the weekend slowly deflating. She should have seen it coming. Men like Jaime Lannister did not go out with women like Brienne Tarth, not unless they were looking to polish their egos or work on their game. That, after all, was one of the reasons she had been so resistant to his overtures before they got together; it made more sense for her to misconstrue his flirting as insults because the alternative seemed so impossible.

Yet, even though she was utterly convinced their relationship had reached its inevitable end, Brienne had decided she did not want to have it out with Jaime just now. She needed to take time to consider the evidence before asking him why he had cheated on her. For that reason, she spent all of Sunday ignoring his messages, stewing over how he could sound so loving in them when he was probably still with that woman.

 _Jaime:_ Hey, did you have a good night sleep? xx

 _Jaime:_ Are you up to much today? I really would love to see you <3

 _Jaime:_ Brienne? Are you okay? Will you call me? x

 _Jaime:_ I'm coming over to see you. I'm worried xxx

Throwing her phone into her bag, Brienne leapt to her feet at the prospect of Jaime coming to visit. As her mind was far too messed up to cope with that terrifying prospect, she decided to hide behind a text, so messaged him quickly.

 _Brienne:_ Sorry. I'm out. I'll see you later.

Wanting to give some validation to her claim, Brienne immediately left her flat, thinking it was not the best idea to be caught in a lie if Jaime came looking for her. At the same time, however, she did not want to spend the day vaguely wandering the neighbourhood, so she decided to give Margaery a call.

"Hey babe, what's up?" came Margaery's voice, strangely peppy and enthusiastic given how negative Brienne felt herself.

"I just wondered whether you were busy. I need to get out and stretch my legs."

"I am about to go and pop for coffee with Renly at _Five Bean_ if you are interested? We are meeting there in half an hour."

Brienne instantly felt more relaxed; she was pleased that Margaery had offered her a way out of the anticipated misery of having to deal with all these emotions alone. At least this way she could push Jaime to the back of her mind and try not to think of him.

In fact, she was so pleased about the prospect of doing something other than spending all day thinking about Jaime that Brienne actually arrived at _Five Bean_ ten minutes before either Margaery or Renly, and was half way through her own huge hot chocolate with whipped cream, marshmallows, marzipan flakes, chocolate sauce, hundreds-and-thousands, and a biscuit by the time they sat down with her.

"Woah," said Margaery as she perched next to Brienne, grasping her skinny macchiato. "That's a monster drink."

"It looks like a breakup drink," chortled Renly, sitting down with his own mint tea. Knowing Renly's sense of humour, Brienne was one hundred percent aware that he intended that comment as a joke, but the second she heard it all she could think about was Jaime and the blonde woman.

Suddenly overcome by emotion, Brienne broke into noisy, spluttering tears that could have woken the dead.

Margaery and Renly were on it in an instant. "Oh, Brienne! Whatever is the matter?" asked Margaery, reaching out to squeeze Brienne's shoulder as it heaved up and down.

"I... I... I... th-think... J-J-Jaime is... _cheating_ on me!"

"No!" said Renly, scandalised.

Although King's Landing High's drama teacher was always one for gossip, Miss Tyrell needed actual evidence, so she said, "why on earth do you think that?"

"I _saw_ him," sobbed Brienne, totally forgetting her drink in favour of crying. "On Friday night I went around to his flat as a surprise... and I saw him going in there with this super attractive blonde woman. And then yesterday morning, I saw them leaving together and he took her to that breakfast place he always takes me after we have a morning f--"

"Okay, we don't need all the details," said Margaery, cutting Brienne off before she could get to the juicy details and traumatise Renly with comments about heterosexual sex. "But are you sure that is what you saw? Jaime seems so..."

"What?"

Margaery looked around for the word for a few moments before Renly found it for her. "Smitten?"

"I'm _sure_ ," replied Brienne, remembering the sunlit beauty of the woman Jaime had been with. It was almost an equal to his own, "yet he keeps texting me about meeting up with him, but how can I do that when I know about him and her?"

"I don't know," said Margaery, "I don't know."

After a few more minutes of crying and comforting, Renly changed the direction of the conversation, obviously deciding that Brienne needed to think practically. "So, I think you can keep avoiding him until Monday, but what then? We've got a whole week left of school before term ends, and that is always a frantic time. And you don't want to confront him being a crying mess. You've got to keep your head held high."

Margaery interrupted, claiming that this was the moment for sympathy, not scheming, but Brienne stopped her speaking with a subtle hand gesture. "No, Renly is right. I have got to come up with a plan. I can't just explode at him when I next see him. I've got to think and come up with something sensible to say." She was not sure whether she could manage it, considering how heartbroken she felt.

 _Love sucks,_ she thought bitterly, before taking a sip of her hot chocolate.

* * *

On Monday morning, Jaime sent her another message:

 _Jaime:_ We've got to sort out our diaries. I have not seen you for a whole weekend (OMG) and I'm having Brienne withdrawal symptoms. And I've got something important to ask you next time I see you (I'm gonna keep you in suspense wench) xxx

Even though his words were full of affection, Brienne could not help but feel a little sick. For the whole weekend, the image of Jaime's blonde houseguest had been haunting her, making everything that had passed between her and Jaime before feel nothing more than a silly fantasy. Yet at least by keeping away from him Brienne had been able to rationalise his secret woman as almost an abstract concept. However, there would be no escaping what he had done in the staff room come Monday morning when she had to face him, so Brienne desperately tried to find an excuse to be in there for as short a time as possible.

Unfortunately, Jaime had ways and means.

"Wench!" he called, bounding up to her enthusiastically the second she entered the staff kitchen. Before she could stop him, he wrapped his arms around her waist and pecked her on her cheek. "Where have you been all weekend? I've missed you."

"Busy," she said dismissively, pulling herself away from him.

"What, too busy to see me?" he pouted, curling his arm around her once more.

"I think it was you who was too busy to see me," she muttered darkly, turning around to turn on the kettle in such a way that she managed to roll away from him.

For the first time since she had entered the room, Jaime suddenly looked concerned. "What? I've been trying to get in contact all weekend. I've got something important to ask you."

"Mmm," replied Brienne, staring at the kettle in a way to avoid looking at him.

Seemingly disturbed by her nothing answer, Jaime brushed his hand against Brienne's hip, trying to get closer. "Are you okay, wench? Is everything alright?"

"Everything's fine," she lied, not wanting to get into _this_ in the staffroom. She did not think Ms Stark would appreciate her tearing lumps out of her boyfriend in front of the whole faculty. Still, it was probably better than doing it in front of the students. "I'm just busy, that's all."

"What with?" he asked, genuinely perplexed.

"Marking," she answered tersely, annoyed that he was questioning her. "It's nearly the end of term and... oh, Renly! Margaery!"

Just at that moment, Renly and Margaery walked into the kitchen area and, seeing that Brienne was cornered with Jaime, they both leapt into action to help remove her from the situation. "Brienne!" called Renly, while shooting some stink eye at Jaime, "however can I help you this fine day?"

"I was wondering whether the two of you would help my indigenous cultures class with the presentation they are giving at the showcase on Friday. We need a man and a woman to play some wildlings who are getting married, and the students suggested you two. There will be a script and everything, so it won't be too difficult. What do you say?"

In fact, both Margaery and Renly had agreed to get fake married on stage in front of the entire school the day before at _Five Bean,_ it was just that they had decided this would be the extraction plan if Brienne felt overwhelmed by Jaime's closeness. Without a second thought, Margaery instantly put it into operation. "Renly and I would love to, but you will have to talk us through a few things first."

"Of course," replied Brienne, remembering the script. "Why don't the three of us go to my classroom now and I can go over any questions you may have?"

At that pre-planned suggestion, Renly and Margaery set about trying to frog march Brienne out of the staffroom, but Jaime managed to hold her back for a few moments more. "Wench, what I said in my message is true. We _need_ to sort out our diaries. Will you come around to mine one night this week? I can make you dinner and we can talk and... stuff."

Although his question seemed so innocent and almost sweet, Brienne saw it for what it was in an instant. Jaime was going to invite her to his place so that he could break up with her, in order to go public with the mysterious blonde woman. To her surprise, the thought of that made Brienne angry rather than sad.

 _No,_ she told herself, _I will do this on my terms, Jaime, not yours._

"We will talk later," she said, not even giving his suggestion a proper response as Renly and Margaery marched her away. "Later."

* * *

After their mini confrontation in the staffroom, Brienne did her best to avoid Jaime. Although she found herself inundated with messages about meeting up and hanging out because he apparently had a very important question to ask her, Brienne stayed away from him as much as possible for the rest of the week, promising herself she would not deal with this until term was over.

On Tuesday, that meant taking extra time after school to help her indigenous cultures students prepare for the showcase on Friday. The costumes were coming on well, and Arya and Gendry had written much of the script, meaning now they just needed rehearsal time more than anything. It gave Brienne the perfect excuse.

 _Brienne:_ Sorry Jaime, I can't come out tonight. I'm busy with the showcase.

On Wednesday it was much the same, only this time Brienne had to stay even later because Myrcella and Rosamund had a breakdown when they discovered that to play authentic wildlings, they could not wear any underwear. However, the students worked so hard that evening that, come Thursday, they all decided they did not need another rehearsal, leaving Brienne free to do whatever she wanted. Feeling momentarily weak, she drove around to Jaime's, only to get halfway there and spot him and the blonde woman come out of a nearby ice cream parlour.

She went home in tears, wanting to get away from him, only to be greeted by another text from Jaime.

 _Jaime:_ Hey B. I've missed you so much this week. We really need to work on sorting out that date because I've got something so important to ask you and, if I don't see you soon, I'm just going to end up blurting it out the next time we get thirty seconds together. I can't wait any longer xxx

Therefore, by the time it got to the school showcase on Friday afternoon, Brienne had barely had more than a handful of conversations with Jaime all week. She had done this by clinging onto her only distraction - her indigenous cultures class' slot in the showcase - and, even though she had selfishly used it for her own ends, it seemed as if the whole thing was going to be a hit. In particular, Brienne was very impressed with the costumes. Sansa, Myrcella, and Rosamund had been working hard to source authentic wildling furs, while Shireen had used four cans of hairspray back-combing everyone's hair. Ten minutes before the showcase was about to begin, Brienne had all seven members of her class huddled in the music room, to give them a pep talk.

"Now, you've all worked so hard on this! Girls, the costumes are fantastic. Pod, your arrangement of the songs is brilliant, and Arya... you make the most terrifying wildling I've ever seen."

Even as Arya grinned proudly, she said, "freefolk, Ms Tarth. The correct term is freefolk."

"Of course," smiled Brienne, glad that at least one of her pupils had learnt something from her across the entire class. "I am sure you all know this already, but you are going to be absolutely fantastic out there. You have it all prepped and prepared to the best it can possibly be, and there is nothing that can distract you from totally smashing this. You just need to go out there and..."

"Ms Tarth, we have a problem."

Spinning around, making the branches of her weirwood costume fly all over the place, Brienne caught sight of Miss Tyrell coming into the room. In her effort to look the part, Margaery was dressed in full wildling regalia, but her expression was perhaps a little too mournful considering this was meant to be the happiest day of her life. "What is the matter?" asked Brienne, looking at her confusedly.

"Mr Baratheon ate a funny whelk at lunchtime so is now busy throwing his guts up in the toilets. We will need someone else to play the part of the wildling husband."

Brienne's stomach lurched. "Oh shit...ake mushrooms."

"Yeah," said Margaery, as Myrcella started to panic.

"NOOOOOOOOOO!" she shouted, "but we've got everything prepared! We have to be on stage in five minutes. How are we going to find someone to fill Mr Baratheon's place?"

"Maybe Gendry could do it?" suggested Sansa, pointing at her sister's boyfriend. "Do we really need seven watching wildlings? Surely having a groom is more important."

"No, we can't do that," interjected Shireen, "otherwise we would have to switch out Miss Tyrell too. Getting them fake married in front of the whole school must breach child protection laws or something."

"We could ask Mr Hunt or Mr Marbrand?" suggested Brienne. "They might be up for a bit of acting?"

"But how are we going to teach them what they need to know about wildling weddings in five minutes?" squeaked Rosamund. "At least Gendry _knows_ what Mr Baratheon was meant to be doing."

Having reached the point where everyone seemed stumped, Brienne was surprised when Arya piped up. "What about Mr Lannister? I mean, him and Ms Tarth got fake married north of the wall, so at least he knows _something_ about it, if not our script."

"Yes!" cried Sansa. "That will work! Everybody, lets split up and go and look for Mr Lannister!"

At Sansa's order, the sixth formers leapt into action, all apart from Pod, who was worrying about the musical arrangements. "Ms Tarth, I need your help tuning the hurdy-gurdy..."

However, Brienne barely heard him. "Guys!" she called, making all of them stop in their tracks. "I don't think we want to disturb Mr Lannister. I'm sure he's very busy..."

Noting her teacher's objection, Arya rolled her eyes and said, "just because you don't want your boyfriend fake marrying anyone else, Ms Tarth..."

"If you continue to talk to me like that, Arya, you will get a detention and I don't care it is the end of term," said Brienne, standing up to her full height in such a way that it made the teenager wilt. "And I object to using Mr Lannister not because he's my _boyfriend,_ but because he's very busy."

"But who else can fill in?" asked Sansa, her tone plaintive.

"Yeah," agreed Shireen. "At least he _knows_ about wildling weddings."

Sensing that her sixth formers were united in their belief that Jaime was the best bet, Brienne turned to Margaery. "Surely, Miss Tyrell, you could think of someone better?"

However, to Brienne's disappointment, Margaery stepped forward and gave her a sympathetic smile that demonstrated she was persuaded by the students' argument. "I think they are right," she said. "Jaime is the best bet. Why don't I go and find him while you guys stay here and put the final touches to the show?"

As the sixth formers all heartily agreed with that, there was nothing Brienne could do but give way. After one more smile, Margaery left the room to go and look for Brienne's (ex)boyfriend, while Ms Tarth turned to Pod, helping him with the hurdy-gurdy. A few minutes later, Margaery returned with Jaime, who was bounding along like an excited puppy. In contrast, Margaery looked a little stiff; it was clear that, out of loyalty to Brienne, she had barely said a word to Jaime since she had found him.

Sensing that Margaery had perhaps not explained everything, and that Jaime was looking a little bouncier than usual, Brienne turned to him and stared at him quizzically. "What's the matter, Jaime?"

To her surprise, Jaime did not answer at once, but instead took a deep breath. Once he had exhaled, Jaime then looked into her eyes and gave her the kind of smile he used to wear back when Brienne thought he was totally hers. "Brienne," he said, the smile breaking into a grin in the way a sunrise did over the horizon, "I was just wondering whether you would consider marrying me?"

Relieved that she _finally_ had a volunteer to fill in for the absent Renly, Brienne gave him a workaday nod and said, "of course, I would be delighted."

At her answer, Jaime's grin became even broader and he stepped forward as if to hug her. "That's wonderful news!" he beamed, seemingly overcome with joy about being part of the sixth former's wildling wedding re-enactment, but, in spite of his happiness, Brienne moved away swiftly. She did not have much time before the showcase, and she did not thing _now_ was the moment to discuss the fact that she knew he had had another woman staying in his flat for the past few days. Consequently, Brienne decided to brush him off with a quick excuse.

"Go with Margaery, she'll walk you through everything."

"But..."

"I am going to stay here and help the students with the last few things. We are going to be needed on stage in a moment."

"But don't we need to talk about...?"

"Not _now_ Jaime," said Brienne tersely, "I need to help Pod tune the hurdy-gurdy, we will talk later."

And without another word, Brienne dashed off, determined not to look at her boyfriend's - or _ex_ boyfriend's - stupidly handsome face.

* * *

In the end, the students had prepared everything pretty much as it was when Brienne and Jaime had gone through their accidental marriage ceremony north of the wall, only this time the bride and groom were wearing authentic northern garb. As Sansa tied Miss Tyrell and Mr Lannister together with a rope, Brienne read out a description of wildling marriage ceremonies, her face painted like a weirwood to try and re-create the scene accurately. Brienne thought it was going well, other than the fact that Jaime kept looking at her as if he expected her to react in some huge way. She didn't understand him, sometimes.

"And if the woman does not want to marry the man, she is free to cut the rope and reject him," declared Brienne to the packed school hall, who were all listening with varying levels of interest. Turning to Margaery, Brienne gave her a serious look that she hoped was befitting of a wise old tree. "Miss Tyrell, are you going to cut the rope binding you to Mr Lannister?"

Shooting a quick look at Jaime, Margaery said, "Nah, I'll stay tied to him. Some people think he is cute."

That elicited a little chuckle from the audience, as Brienne moved to look at Jaime, glad that her face paint hid the fact that she was blushing at Margaery having just called her (ex)boyfriend _cute._ "So," Brienne said, trying to regain her composure, "now Miss Tyrell has not cut the rope, it is time for vows..."

"Oh!" interrupted Jaime suddenly, dropping the rope, "sorry, I get it now."

Shooting daggers at him for ruining the performance, Brienne kept her voice low as she whispered, "what is the matter? We are kind of in the middle of something here; you are not meant to be dropping the rope."

Seemingly unbothered by his destruction of the re-enactment, Jaime said breezily, "I get what this whole misunderstanding has been about."

"What misunderstanding?" asked Brienne, going red, as her mind became swamped with images of the beautiful blonde woman she had seen at his flat.

Fixing her with an easy smile, Jaime said, "when I asked whether you would consider marrying me, you thought I was asking _whether you would consider marrying me,_ so now you _are_ marrying me... only you are marrying me to Miss Tyrell, which is not how it is supposed to be."

As Miss Tyrell and the sixth formers started exchanging confused looks, Brienne put her script on the floor and then narrowed her eyes at Jaime. "What are you talking about, Mr Lannister?"

"Well," replied Jaime slowly, as if talking to a slightly stupid toddler, "when I asked you whether you would consider marrying me, you took that as me asking you whether you would let me take Mr Baratheon's role in this weird re-enactment of our wedding north of the wall... when that wasn't what I was asking at all."

Getting a little frustrated, especially as the entire school was watching, Brienne huffed, "then what _were_ you asking me, Mr Lannister?"

"I was asking you whether you would consider marrying me."

"Yes, I _know_ ," said Brienne, rolling her eyes, "and now I am in the middle of marrying you."

At her response, Jaime let out a little chuckle. "Yeah, but I didn't mean it like that."

"Then how did you mean it?" asked Brienne exasperatedly, irritated that her student's showcase was being disrupted by Jaime's stupid questions, especially as the eyes of the whole school - including all the staff, the pupils, and even the lunch ladies - were on them.

"I meant _would you consider marrying me?"_

Now truly irritated, Brienne declared, "gods, Jaime. That is what I am doing! You are here in the wildling wedding re-enactment with Margaery and I am marrying the both of you."

"No, that's not what..." he huffed, before throwing his arms up in the air in defeat. "Do you know what? You are probably really going to hate me for the this, but seeing as this is the first time we've had together in days, and that there is literally no other way to get it through your thick skull..."

Then Jaime got down on one knee in front of the whole school, pulling a little box out of his wildling furs as he did so. Even though all the students watching had let out a shocked little scream, Brienne could not hear them, because she had her eyes firmly fixed on this weird vision that was slowly unfurling in front of her. Jaime was proposing to her. In front of _everybody._ Stunned, Brienne just watched Jaime with wide eyes and an open mouth, barely believing what she was seeing.

"I've spent the last few weeks thinking about what I want from life," Jaime began, his eyes full of tenderness she had once believed he felt for her, "in terms of where I want to live, my career, and my hobbies. To my surprise, there were lots of things I was unsure about. Do I want to stay a PE teacher forever? Would I like to go travelling? Would I like to find a bigger flat? But in spite of all my questions about my future, there was something remarkably consistent: you. I realised I want to spend the rest of my life with you. Yes, we haven't been together that long and yes, you are probably going to kill me for doing this in front of the entire school, but I know what I want."

At that point, Jaime paused to give Brienne space to say something, but as she had forgotten how to speak, he eventually filled the silence himself. "I love you, Brienne. So when I asked you whether you would consider marrying me, I was actually asking you _whether you would consider marrying me._ So... would you do me the honour of being my wife?"

The second Jaime finished his question, Brienne felt the eyes of the thousand people wedged into the room fixed on her, burning into her skin. Some of the students were talking animatedly to each other, no doubt pleased to have the school gossip confirmed. Others were getting more excited, none moreso than Mya Stone, who shouted "SAY YES MS TARTH!" quite audibly from the back of the room, causing Brienne to blush deeply.

 _How can Jaime be proposing to me now?_ she wondered, _when I've seen him with another woman?_

Confused, Brienne searched around for some appropriate words, but in the end, she just sounded vaguely accusatory. "But... but... but... what about that other woman you've been gallivanting around with all week and have staying at your flat? The blonde one... the _pretty_ one? What about her?"

Jaime stared at her blankly for a few moments before he seemed to realise who Brienne was talking about. "My sister?"

"WHAT?!?!?!" screamed Brienne, loud enough to make Pod the wildling jump.

"Cersei is my closest friend!" began Jaime, his tone sincere.

"WHAT?!?!?!"

"She came over because I needed to talk to someone about whether asking you was too rash or too soon or too stupid..."

"WHAT?!?!?!"

"But finally I decided I must follow my heart and ask you to marry me, Ms Tarth, because I know I want to spend the rest of my life with you."

Normally, Brienne thought she was a woman of many words, always able to find something eloquent and fitting to say, perfect for what that particular moment required. However, with Jaime down on one knee in front of her, a ring in his hand, Brienne quite forgot how to speak the common tongue, so instead went for:

"Bjhdqwejiqebjefewfeefqwdhuh."

Jaime let out a huff of laughter along with the rest of the school. "Sorry, wench, I don't speak the Old Tongue. Would you mind translating that for me?"

"Let me just get this straight," said Brienne slowly, wanting to make sure she had everything absolutely correct before she journeyed off into a totally bonkers world where Jaime Lannister had just got down on one knee in front of the entire school and proposed to her. " _You_ , Jaime Lannister - PE teacher at King's Landing High - are asking _me -_ Brienne Tarth, winner of _The Westerosi Educational's Most Inspirational History Teacher Award -_ to marry _you."_

"Yes," replied Jaime simply, which only succeeded in making Brienne say _bjhdqwejiqebjefewfeefqwdhuh_ again. "I have loved you from the second I laid eyes on you, and I know you used to think me annoying and irritating but at the same time _hot,_ but being with you would make me the happiest man in the world. I've wanted to ask you all week... so would you do me the honour of being my wife?"

She could not wait a moment more.

"OF COURSE I WILL MARRY YOU, YOU INFURIATING MAN!" shouted Brienne as she held out her hand for Jaime to slip the ring onto, which he did so at once. As he did so, the whole school started cheering, and the seven sixth formers started playing the wildling folk song they had learnt at Jaime and Brienne's first wedding north of the wall.

As the real world felt drowned out by the cacophony, Brienne did not feel embarrassed or shy when Jaime got to his feet and wrapped his arms around her, kissing her as if they weren't at school in the middle of a showcase of authentic wildling marriage practices being watched by all the teachers, students, and support staff. In fact, she felt on top of the world, as everyone was cheering like they were in a bloody movie.

When they broke apart, Jaime rested his head on her forehead. "I'm sorry I did it this way. It is just that I have been wanting to ask you for days and you've just been so busy."

"It's fine," Brienne replied, suddenly feeling tremendously guilty that she had even doubted him for a moment. "I'm sorry I haven't made the time for you."

"It's okay," Jaime murmured. "It gave me more time to talk to Cersei, who just kept telling me I needed to get over myself and just ask you before we all died of old age."

Brienne let out a little giggle at that. "I think it's about time you introduce me to her, especially as we are going to be family."

"Yes, I think it is," agreed Jaime, before pulling her in for another kiss.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you very much for reading! As ever, I love comments and kudos, so please consider leaving them!
> 
> Now, you may have noticed that this fic has been bumped up from 3 to 4 chapters, and that is because I thought that, given we started with their fake wedding, it is only right that we end with their real wedding. So, if anyone has any ideas for what they want to see in JB's wedding, please let me know!


	4. A Marital Misunderstanding

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jaime and Brienne get married (at last...)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow... I don't know what happened. It has been five months but here is the final part of this story. I have deleted it and rewritten it and played around with it so much that, eventually, I was just like "okay, I'm going to post this now".
> 
> I hope you enjoy!

All things considered, Brienne thought herself quite a reserved person. Although she felt things deeply, she did not want to put her heart on display for the world to see and liked to keep her emotions to herself. It made her feel less _seen_ , in a way. So, of course, that was why she was insisting on a small wedding to Jaime with as few people in attendance as possible.

"We already did the huge wedding in front of loads of wildlings and my indigenous cultures class, with too much drinking, naked body painting, and a semi-public consummation ceremony, so I would like this one to be a little quieter," admitted Brienne, when she and Jaime were sitting in their bed flicking through potential venues for their wedding. "I mean, the last one was good in its own way and all, but I want this one to be just about us."

Jaime nodded, considering her desires. "Well, I think that sounds a plan. I really could imagine nothing worse than my cousin Lancel getting drunk at the reception and wanting to do karaoke, so if you want to keep it small, I'm all for that."

Lifting her head from his chest, Brienne narrowed his eyes at him suspiciously. "How small?"

"Like..." said Jaime slowly, "just the two of us."

At his statement, Brienne sat up, her eyes wide in disbelief. "You are not honestly suggesting we elope, are you?"

"Yeah," purred Jaime gently, wrapping an arm around her shoulder. "We could fly to Essos, just you and me, and pick out some beautiful resort close to the beach. We'll get married with the sound of the waves behind us; me wearing a linen suit and you a gorgeous summer dress that makes you look like a goddess. And then after we've done it, we can go swimming in the sea, have a delicious dinner in some super expensive restaurant, before going back to our hotel room and spending the rest of our trip having amazing hot sex not caring who hears us."

There was a beat of silence before Brienne let out a huff of laughter.

"What?" Jaime asked, amused.

"That doesn't sound like a plan for a wedding, that sounds like one of your more elaborate sex dreams."

Jaime gave her a mischievous smile. "Maybe I just have very romantic sex dreams, wench. And anyway, don't you like the sound of it?"

Grinning, Brienne pecked him on the lips. He really was too adorable sometimes. "I didn't say that. I might share your perverted fantasies."

"Romantic fantasies," he said, before kissing her on the cheek in return.

"Alright _romantic_ fantasies," Brienne laughed. "But I still think it would kill my dad if he wasn't invited to my wedding. I am his only child after all."

"You are his starburst," smiled Jaime, knowing well the pet name that Selwyn had given his daughter. "So I acknowledge the fact that he would probably kill me if I ran off with you and married you without his knowledge."

"He is a traditionalist that way," smirked Brienne, resting her head on Jaime's chest once more. "So... do you think it would be alright if he came?"

At her question, Jaime let out a melodramatic sigh as if he were actually thinking about it. "Alright," he said jokingly, rolling his eyes. "I _suppose_ your dad can come to our wedding, but on one condition."

"What?" Brienne asked, her eyes sparkling.

In lieu of an actual answer, Jaime just tapped his lips.

* * *

When Brienne very solemnly informed her father that he was the only one to be invited to her and Jaime's wedding in a plush resort in Myr, Selwyn Tarth was not particularly happy about it.

"But don't you want a wedding in King's Landing with all your friends?" he asked over the phone. "You deserve it, starburst, to know how much you are loved."

Although Brienne knew her dad's heart was in the right place, she could not help but think that her father did not understand. After years of teasing and bullying, Brienne could imagine nothing more anxiety inducing than standing in a big sept in a huge meringue of a dress being stared at by a medium-to-large collection of hers and Jaime's friends and acquaintances as they tried to get married. It would only make her feel nauseous, which would guarantee her forgetting the words. She just _knew_ it. And when she made her vows to Jaime, Brienne did _not_ want to forget the words.

"No, dad. Jaime and I have discussed this. We don't want a huge thing, just something small and meaningful between the two of us. And we want to go somewhere sunny."

 _In contrast to the Wall,_ she thought mischievously.

" _Tarth_ is sunny," he complained. "And if you had your wedding at home, you could have all your friends around you. It was what your mother always wanted; for you to get married at home, in her wedding dress..."

Brienne tried not to roll her eyes, but it was very difficult. According to Selwyn Tarth, there were many things that Brienne's dead mother had "always wanted" - for Brienne to go to college at Storm's End, for Brienne to allow her dad to come to her Year 11 Gymnastics recital, for Brienne to lend him 50 dragons so he could buy a new leaf-blower - and, strangely enough, they always seemed to align with his interests.

"Dad, I wouldn't even be able to fit into her wedding dress," Brienne began, but her father did not have time for such silly truths.

"We could get it tailored. Olenna is very good at stuff like that, and she would only be too happy to help."

Brienne furrowed her brow; now she really did have no clue what he was going on about. "Who is Olenna, dad?" she asked, trying (and failing) to put the picture together.

At her question, there was a pause at the other end of the line in which she could just about hear her father uncomfortably shuffling about. After a few torturous seconds passed, Selwyn Tarth evidently found the courage to tell Brienne the truth. "Starburst, Olenna is my girlfriend."

"Why didn't you tell me?" asked Brienne, even though she knew the answer full-well. Selwyn Tarth _always_ had new girlfriends and, without fail, they were all borderline insane and his relationships always ended in flaming fireballs of disaster and chaos. She did not think this _Olenna_ would last too long, either.

Her dad sighed. "Starburst, I didn't want you to think I was replacing your mother."

"Dad, I'm nearly thirty. I'm not looking for a new mother."

"Good," he said softly, before turning back on the issue at hand, "because if you _must_ have your wedding not in Tarth and at the other end of the world, can I please invite Olenna? If it is just you, me, and Jaime, it will get very awkward when the time comes for you two to swan off to your hotel room, and I am just left alone in the bar. Surely you can see that it would be good to invite other people. At least Olenna; it would give me someone to talk to."

Brienne sighed. She knew her dad was right. If he did not have a buddy, she could only imagine how irritating he would be when she and Jaime wanted some time alone in the romantic paradise of Myr. Consequently, Brienne found herself agreeing with a weary resignation.

"Alright, but just promise me she won't upstage the whole thing like that time you brought Roelle or whatever her name was to Sevenmas dinner."

She could almost hear his embarrassed blush. "In my defence, I didn't _know_ she was a serial killer on the run."

"I know, dad, but this wedding is about _me and Jaime._ I don't want your latest girlfriend hogging the limelight."

Her dad sighed at the other end of the line. "What do you think of me, starburst? I promise my girlfriend will be nothing but _respectful_ on the big day, because I want you to enjoy yourself. Okay?"

"Okay, dad," Brienne replied sceptically. "Thanks."

After her father had succeeded in bullying Brienne into expanding the guest list to her own wedding from one to two, father and daughter then started talking about mundane things; the very big mackerel her dad had caught on his recent fishing trip, the latest episode of _The Young High Sparrow_ that Brienne had been watching, that she and Jaime were thinking of going on a weekend trip to Storm's End. The conversation eventually began to ground to a halt when Jaime entered the room and snaked his arms around Brienne's hips, nuzzling her ear as he pulled her against him.

As her dad kept babbling on about scenic fishing spots, Jaime whispered in Brienne's ear. "Horny. Wanna fuck you."

Blushing furiously, Brienne tried to continue to talk to her dad. "Oh, that sounds very nice..."

"Yes, the waters were so blue and..."

"Brienne," purred Jaime, quiet enough that her dad could not hear him. "I'll do whatever you want. Fingers. Tongue. Cock. Whatever, I'm yours."

That risqué offer almost made Brienne choke. "Dad, I'm going to have to ring you back," she mumbled, as Jaime started sucking at Brienne's neck.

"Oh, is there something wrong?" Selwyn Tarth asked, entirely oblivious to the fact that Jaime was currently making it impossible for her to say anything coherent.

"Dad I... um... I'm gonna have to go... _ooh_... it is nothing serious just... _aah_... I've got to... _urgh_... water the fish..."

"Starburst, I--"

Hanging up without another word, Brienne turned around in Jaime's embrace and threw her arms around his neck, kissing him deeply. Her fiancé let out an excited moan at the back of his throat as she did so, then lifted his hand to her shirt, desperately trying to open her buttons.

"Jaime," she gasped against his lips, "stop a second."

It took a few moments for Jaime to reply, as he was quite committed to getting her shirt off. "Why? We need to get naked."

"I've got to tell you something."

"What?" asked Jaime, breathlessly. Having discarded her shirt, he was now simultaneously busy wrestling with her bra and trying to kiss her neck. "Can it wait?"

"Not really," Brienne confessed as she tackled his flies.

After he had managed to whip her bra off, her began his half-hearted interrogation. "What is it then?"

Sensing her agreeing to this Olenna coming to their wedding without checking with him first might piss Jaime off, Brienne shucked his jeans over his hips then looking him straight in the eye. "I've agreed my dad's girlfriend can come to the wedding."

At her admission, Jaime stepped back and gazed at her, his brow furrowed. "I thought you didn't want a big wedding?"

"Is four people really that big?" she asked him gently, trying to coax him. "And, to be honest, it will probably be a good thing to have someone to entertain my dad. It will mean there is someone there to distract him while we have some _alone_ time."

Perhaps it was the tone of her voice, or the horrible thought of Selwyn Tarth popping up all over Myr every time he tried to get intimate with his newly-made wife, but something evidently won Jaime over, as he said, "I _suppose_ your dad's girlfriend can come to our wedding, but on one condition."

Wanting to make things better between them, Brienne did not fight him on the need for conditions. "What is the condition?" she asked eagerly, glad she had been able to persuade him.

However, it a moment she realised it was a silly question, as Jaime began tapping his lips invitingly before drawing her in for another kiss.

* * *

Although Brienne and Jaime had now committed themselves to a small wedding in Myr, it was quite difficult breaking it to their friends.

"What?" said Margaery in disbelief over coffee one morning. "We all wait years and years for you and Jaime to do something about your obvious sexual tension and then you don't invite us to the wedding. How is that fair?"

Loras and Renly seemed to agree. "Yeah," interjected Renly. "I had bought a new suit and everything."

Faced with their grumbling, Brienne tried to be placatory.

"I'm sorry," replied Brienne tentatively, "it is just Jaime and I wanted something that wasn't too public and was just about the two of us. A holiday in Myr gives us just that; peace, quiet, tranquillity. A way for it all to be just about our love. We will do a massive party for all our friends when we get back to celebrate, and that way, I won't live in terror of flubbing my lines in front of a huge crowd."

Loras let out a bark of teasing laughter. "I didn't know you and Jaime had that many friends."

The proposed party evidently ameliorated her friends' concerns, just as Jaime had told Brienne it would, so when she returned home, she set about planning it. She thought that renting a big space in the city might be the best way forward, so she spent time looking up options. Once she had come up with a long enough list to feel she had accomplished something, Brienne went to the kitchen and started to whip up a Victoria Sponge. An ambitious part of her wanted to do something like that for her friends on the day of the party, so she felt us if she needed to practice her skills.

She was halfway through mixing the ingredients together when Jaime entered the kitchen.

"Oooh, something looks nice," he said, coming up beside her and pecking her on the cheek.

"It's Victoria Sponge. I was thinking about making one for our wedding party, to say sorry to all our friends we haven't invited to the big day."

"I wasn't talking about the cake," purred Jaime, moving even closer.

"Stop it," she laughed, continuing to stir the cake mix.

Smiling to himself, Jaime got a spoon out of the draw and scooped up some of the cake mix. "Mmm," he moaned when he put it in his mouth. "This tastes so good."

"Hey, no eating that!" she chided teasingly. "After we've so unceremoniously kicked all our friends and family out of our wedding, the least I could do is make them a cake for the wedding party when we return to King's Landing, so I need to practice! Unless any of your brother's numerous contacts is a cakemaker who can sell us a cake very cheaply?"

Turning to him, Brienne expected to see Jaime smile, but instead he looked a little tense.

"What's the matter?" she asked, her eyes wide.

Seemingly weighing up his words, it took Jaime a few moments to answer her. "Speaking of Tyrion... I _may_ have told him he can come to our wedding."

As she was so stunned by that admission, it took Brienne's brain a little while to compute a response to that piece of information. "You what?"

"I'm sorry," sighed Jaime, resting his head on Brienne's shoulder in contrition. "I told him that we would only be having a small wedding with a few guests in attendance, but then he said _he_ was small so we could sneak him in. And there's no saying no to Tyrion; he'll twist you all up and make you say yes when you mean no."

Slightly irritated that their wedding plans were slowly unravelling out of their control, Brienne started stirring the cake mix harder in an effort to get her irritation out in a healthy way. "Well, I suppose we can fit one more in if we really have to. Dad and Olenna can look after him, I suppose."

"Not one. Two."

"What?"

Jaime squeezed her harder. "Tyrion thought it was unfair for me to only allow him to come alone, even though I told him he could chat up all the girls at the hotel bar he wants. Yet, apparently, he's seeing someone new and _this time it is serious_ and _she's the one,_ so I felt obliged to say she could come too."

"Who is he talking about?" asked Brienne. She had met Tyrion several times and every single time he had had a different woman hanging off his arm.

"Shae."

"Shae?" mused Brienne confusedly. "Have I met this one?"

Jaime shook his head. "No, because I haven't met her either. All I know about her is that, apparently, she's a stripper."

"I think the less offensive term is exotic dancer," said Brienne with a smile.

"Well, whatever," shrugged Jaime, before taking another mouthful of cake mix, "she takes her clothes off for a living, so seems just Tyrion's type."

Laughing, Brienne turned to look at him. "Do you wish I took my clothes off for a living? That I was more, I don't know... _sexy?"_

"You are sexy," replied Jaime, his voice a sultry purr even while eating cake, "but I don't wish you took your clothes off for a living. I like that you take your clothes off for _me_ , just for me."

Blushing, Brienne turned to kiss him, and he pulled her into a tight embrace. When they broke apart, Brienne could not help but tease him. "I thought we wanted to keep it small, so we would have more time for me to take my clothes off just for _you_ ," she pouted. "We've already extended things for Olenna..."

Clearly horrified by the prospect of less sex in Myr, Jaime tried to justify his decision to let Tyrion attend. "My brother was right; he _is_ small, he won't take up too much space, and he will spend most of his time in the bar with Shae. And we should try to think of the positives; at least Cersei is not coming, because it wouldn't be just Cersei. It would be Cersei, Robert, Myrcella and Tommen, her ferocious chihuahua Joff, and not to mention Robert's secretary who is probably also doubling as his latest piece of ass."

"Oh, I am glad I have a small family, because you make yours sound so wonderfully pleasant," she teased.

Jaime kissed her once more, chuckling. "That is why they are not coming to the wedding. They are all insane... and someone would get punched."

* * *

Brienne discovered just how insane his family was a few days later when she was sitting in their flat (which had previously been solely Jaime's), finalising the accommodation and flights to Myr. Jaime was out at an intramural football tournament for the school, so Brienne had promised him she could book the flights for themselves, her dad, Olenna, Tyrion, and Shae without his help.

"Go," she had said, kissing Jaime on the cheek once she had helped him into his hoodie. "I am fully qualified to book some flights."

"I know you are, but text me if you have any problems," Jaime replied, before blowing her one final kiss. "I'll pick up some takeout on my way back."

Once he was gone, Brienne retreated to the sofa with her laptop, some wine, and the passport details of the entire wedding party. The mischievous side of her wanted to book first class on the plane for herself and Jaime and keep everyone else back in economy; eventually, she decided against it, however, as she was an honourable sort of person. She had just finished typing out Jaime's many middle names on the online form when there was a knock at the door. Sighing, Brienne put down her wine in order to see who was there. She almost died of shock when she saw the blonde demon waiting on the threshold.

"I hear you and Jaime have invited Tyrion to your wedding," Cersei said, sashaying into the flat complete with oversized bouffant, killer heels, and her yappy little chihuahua Joff. "Tyrion and that _interesting_ new girlfriend of his."

Before Brienne could stop her, Cersei went marching into the living room, sat on the sofa, stole Brienne's wine, and then perched Joff beside her. She then noticed that Brienne was booking tickets. "You've put Jaime's middle names in the wrong order; he's Jaime Tywin Tytos Tyland Lannister, not Jaime Tytos Tywin Tyland Lannister. My father hates being second best."

Having not noticed her error, Brienne made to sit down in front of the laptop to correct it but found herself waylaid by both Cersei and a very growly Joff, both of whom looked very cross.

"I'm not letting you sit down until you tell me why Tyrion is invited to this wedding and not me," declared Cersei, Joff yapping from her lap. "I was the one who talked Jaime into proposing, after all!"

Brienne would have fought back quite hard, but from her limited interaction with Jaime's twin, she knew she was not a woman to be trifled with. "We wanted something small. We wanted..."

"Weddings are not about what _you two_ want," said Cersei imperiously, flipping her hair over her shoulder. "When I married Robert, my father wanted it to be the biggest wedding in King's Landing, because it was only fitting that a member of the Lannister family would have the best of the best. That's why you should have your wedding in the city."

Having heard Jaime talk about his childhood a million times, Brienne raised her eyebrow at her future sister-in-law. "Really, Cersei? _That_ is why you want me and Jaime to get married in King's Landing? Because Jaime is a Lannister and he deserves the best of the best?"

She shrugged. "Well, no... it's because I have the beautiful new gown in Dornish silk and I _have_ to have the right event to wear it for. It will look entirely out of place at some Myrish resort, so it is better if you have the wedding in King's Landing. The Sept of Baelor is very beautiful this time of year."

"But we don't want to get married in the Sept of Baelor," said Brienne gently, not wanting to make an enemy of Jaime's twin sister, "we want to get married somewhere relatively private where we can make it about just the two of us. Surely you understand that?"

Even though Cersei clearly did understand why Brienne and Jaime wanted it to be just the two of them, she started to pout in the way that Jaime would when he wasn't getting his own way. "But I want to see my own brother get married, and if you are inviting Tyrion and his stripper girlfriend, why can't I come?"

"Because... well..." It was only when she trailed off that Brienne realised that she did not have a good answer to that question.

"Exactly! So why can't you let me come? I am his sister; surely it is only fair?"

"Because... because..."

"You want it to be about you and Jaime, _I know,_ but it can still be about you and Jaime if I am there. I want to be there to support my brother... surely you can understand that?"

Brienne sighed; she _could_ understand that. Cersei had been nothing but supportive of Brienne's relationship with Jaime since the beginning, so she could see why his twin would want to watch them get married. As her weak, empathetic heart took over, Brienne dropped her objections.

"Okay, I will talk to Jaime and _see_ if you can come."

Cersei gave her a dazzling smile that belonged to a supermodel. "Wonderful, sweetling! That is such great news." At her effervescent happiness, Joff jumped into her lap as Cersei go to her feet. "I am so glad I have been able to persuade you. I would stay... but I am getting a mani-pedi, so will have to say goodbye."

Secretly thankful that Jaime's slightly terrifying twin would leave her to her wine, Brienne gave Cersei an easy smile and gestured towards the door. "It was lovely to speak to you... and I will have that conversation with Jaime."

"Wonderful," cooed Cersei, crossing to the door. "We will chat later."

Confident that Cersei could let herself out, Brienne flopped down on the sofa and took a relieved breath, wondering whether it was better to call Jaime immediately or wait for him to get home. However, she could not follow that train of thought to its conclusion, as Cersei suddenly interrupted.

"Oh, and one more thing," she said, peeking her head around the door just before leaving. "If _I_ am coming, so is Robert, Myrcella, Tommen, and Joff... and maybe Robert's PA Taena. Ciao!"

Before Brienne could object, Cersei gave her a quick smile, slammed the door behind her, and left.

* * *

When the day to fly to Myr finally arrived, Brienne was up at the crack of dawn with their passports all ready, their suitcases by the door. "Jaime, you've got to get up. Our plane leaves in six hours and we have to meet Dad, Olenna, Tyrion, Shae, Robert, Cersei, Tommen, Myrcella, and Taena at the airport."

Jaime let out a dissatisfied growl into his pillow. "But we only have to be at the airport two hours before our flight. That means I have _three whole hours_ before we need to leave the building, which means _two whole hours_ longer in bed. Come lay down with me, wench. We can cuddle."

"I don't want to cuddle right now, Jaime," Brienne said, irritated. "I want to be prepared. We are going to get married in two days’ time. I want to make sure this is as relaxing as possible and we get there in plenty of time."

"The plane is not going leave earlier just because _we_ are there earlier," grumbled Jaime, burying his head back in the pillow.

"Yeah, but it will do me a lot of good," replied Brienne, pulling the duvet entirely off him. "So... come on! You've got to go get ready."

In the end, it was a very wise decision that they got to the airport early, because Brienne's worst nightmare actually happened. Once they had met up with Tyrion, Shae, her Dad, and Olenna, the six of them went to get their tickets at Check In; Cersei had already phoned to say she, Robert, and the kids would be a little late. The woman at the checkout - who was called Arianne - was supremely unhelpful.

"I'm sorry, but we don't have any bookings under that name," said Arianne, lazily tapping at the keyboard.

Despairing, Brienne found herself teetering towards a panic attack, and only Jaime's hand on her shoulder was keeping her grounded in reality. "But Jaime and I are getting married in two days, we've _got_ to be in Myr. Are you sure you haven't spelt it wrong? Brienne has two Ns."

Arianne typed it in again, her face blank. "Nope, no tickets under Brienne Tarth."

"What about Jaime Lannister?" said Jaime, trying to smooth everything over with honey tones. "Although Brienne was the one who booked the tickets, it is likely I am the second name she submitted. What about under that name?"

Even though she was wearing a _Computer-Says-No_ face, Arianne nevertheless typed in Jaime's name and then looked back up at them all. "Sorry, no Jaime Lannister either. Are you sure you booked?"

"Yes," hissed Brienne, feeling completely overwhelmed.

Sensing how upset she was, Jaime slung his arm around her shoulders and pulled her close. "I am sure we can sort this out. Don't panic."

Although he was being tremendously sweet, it wasn't doing Brienne much good. "What about Tyrion Lannister? Is it booked under that name?"

"No," replied Arianne with a tap of the keyboard keys.

"Selwyn Tarth?"

"No."

"Shae... what is your surname Shae?"

As Shae was in the middle of blowing a huge bubble with her bubble gum, they had to wait for it to pop before Shae replied, "Shae Smith."

"Shae Smith?" asked Brienne, armed with a new name.

Arianne shook her head. "Nope, I am sorry. It seems we don't have anything booked for your party."

With panic strangling her, Brienne knew they had little choice but spend dragons they didn't have on tickets they should have had. "Can we get tickets for the flight? We'll pay whatever you want. This is a matter of urgency."

Arianne typed in something on the keyboard, before looking up, bored and unsympathetic. "I'm sorry, the fight is fully booked. The next one we can get you on is on Thursday afternoon, or if you are happy to go indirect, you can go via Qarth and Volantis the day after tomorrow."

"But I'm meant to be getting _married_ the day after tomorrow!" squawked Brienne, distraught that all her plans were unravelling before her eyes. "You must have something more to offer us!"

"I'm sorry, we don't," retorted Arianne, without a hint of sympathy, "but maybe you can get a refund from the resort."

Totally dismayed, Brienne turned to Jaime, her blue eyes filled with tears. "What are we going to do?" she asked, increasingly panicked, as he put his hands on her shoulders. "What are we going to do? _What are we going to do?_ "

Even though Jaime looked just as worried as she did, he tried to soothe her. "We will work this out. There has got to be _some_ way around this. This must be an administrative error, or a..."

"Ah," came a voice, as soft and sharp as a sword sheathed in silk. "There you are. I wondered whether you would be here."

As one, everyone in the group - Brienne, Jaime, Tyrion, Shae, Selwyn, Olenna, and even Arianne - turned to look towards the person who had spoken. While most of the faces were blank, Jaime was horrified.

"Father! Aunt Genna! Uncle Kevan!" he cried in disbelief, as Tywin Lannister appeared behind them, flanked by the two most important executives in _LannCorp._ "What are you doing here?"

Tywin's lips _almost_ curled into a smile. "I heard from Cersei that you and your girlfriend were getting hitched in Myr, Jaime, and that you were planning on flying _economy."_ He spat the last word out, as if he were disgusted. "I can understand that you do not want a big wedding, but the least you could do is fly _first class._ You are a Lannister, after all."

Brienne could feel Jaime stiffening beside her, so she held his hand to give him some support as he tried to push back. "Father, this is our wedding day and Brienne and I knew we didn't want to spend some huge fortune on a party and a ring..."

"And you wouldn't have needed to," replied Tywin with a grimace (he might have been aiming for a smile), "if you have just asked to use the private jet."

Brienne's eyebrows shot up into her hairline at that revelation. "The private jet? You didn't tell me that your family had a private jet!"

"It pollutes the planet," replied Jaime quickly, as if trying to dismiss the suggest of taking the private jet to Myr. "And I wouldn't have wanted to make a big song and dance of it. We wanted a small wedding, and most people who have a small wedding do not use a private jet to get to the venue."

At that statement, Genna stepped forward, putting her hand on Tywin's shoulder. "Ah, but that is not quite possible now, is it?" she asked, giving him a sly smile.

Jaime blinked. "What do you mean?"

"She means," said Kevan gently, stepping forward, "that you don't seem to have any economy tickets to Myr... while we have a private jet."

Brienne stared at Tywin, Genna, and Kevan uncomprehendingly, until Tyrion cut across the silence. "Father, you had our tickets cancelled, didn't you?"

Tywin Lannister did not even have the good grace to look guilty. "Of course I did. As I said, no son of mine will be flying to his own wedding in economy class."

"Father!" squawked Jaime, horrified. "You had no right to..."

"Do you want to be in Myr in time for your wedding or not?" asked Tywin sharply, looking from Brienne to Jaime and back again. "If you do, I suggest you take me up on my offer because from where I am standing, it seems you have little choice."

* * *

Although they were flying in a private jet, the whole journey to Myr was torturous. Tywin had also bought some very expensive champagne along with his luxurious plane, which he, Genna, Kevan, Selwyn, and Olenna all drank copious amounts of, telling each other embarrassing stories about Jaime and Brienne when they were young.

"Oh, you should hear about the time Jaime jumped off the cliffs at Casterly Rock," said Tywin. "Stupid boy, he nearly died!"

Brienne's dad piped up at that excitedly. "Or the time that Brienne got a pea stuck up her nose! We had to take her to the hospital!"

"In comparison, my grandchildren are positively lovely," smiled Olenna, downing another glass of champagne. "We never had any pea or cliff related emergencies when they were children."

Down the other end of the plane, Cersei and Robert were having a furious shouting match about the accommodation, while Myrcella and Tommen wrestled over their Nintendo, and Joff the chihuahua yapped his little head off.

"You told me you had booked up a PREMIUM ROOM and a TWIN ROOM for the children!" shouted Cersei, jabbing her finger in Robert's face. "And now I hear you've booked yourself a DOUBLE and SHOVED ME in with our SPAWN! ARE YOU PLANNING ON FUCKING TAENA WHILE WE ARE IN MYR, ROBERT? BECAUSE I AM TELLING YOU I WILL NOT HAVE IT!"

As Taena sat meekly in between them, Robert gave Cersei his answer. "OH, I MIGHT DO! ANYONE IS BETTER THAN YOU, YOU ICE COLD BITCH!"

"ME? A BITCH?" screamed Cersei in response. "YOU ARE THE ONE WHO SAID ANOTHER WOMAN'S NAME IN BED ON OUR WEDDING NIGHT, ROBERT!"

A little further away from the screaming, Shae and Tyrion were huddled up together on twin seats. At first, Brienne thought they were cuddling, but then on closer inspection she discovered that Shae was giving Tyrion what could only be described as a lap dance while they were both listening to music on Tyrion's phone. Wondering whether she was in hell, Brienne turned to Jaime for a small piece of sanity.

His green eyes twinkled. "Do you think the pilot has any parachutes?" he asked.

"He might do," replied Brienne with a playful shrug. "Although I don't know how to parachute, and I think we might be somewhere over the Narrow Sea so maybe technique doesn't matter that much."

Jaime nodded in agreement. "At this point in time, I will take instant death in the middle of the ocean rather than listen to one more story about my childhood, hear about Cersei's sex life, or see Tyrion's orgasm face. It is just too much."

"This is why we wanted a small wedding," sighed Brienne, linking her arm through his and resting her head on Jaime's shoulder. "Maybe we could run once we get to the hotel. Do we _have_ to get married in Myr? Essos is a very big place."

"Unfortunately, we've paid quite a lot of money for the resort and, even though we've got all this craziness going on, I still would like to get married to you."

In spite of the fact that Cersei was now screaming about how tiny Robert's dick was, Brienne's heart warmed at Jaime's comment. "At least once we get to the resort, we can run away from everybody else and spend some time together, just the two of us."

Jaime smiled, then kissed her cheek. "Just the two of us."

As Tywin had ordered a fleet of limousines from Myr airport to the resort, Jaime and Brienne did not get any private time together until they were finally in their hotel room, the honeymoon suite. After kicking off his shoes and turning on the air condition, Jaime jumped on the bed and closed his eyes, looking utterly exhausted. Wanting to be close to him, Brienne curled up beside him and rested her head on his shoulder. She found it peaceful to just listen to him breathe.

"We could get to Tyrosh by boat, or to Lys if we take the road south," he said suddenly, opening his eyes. "They wouldn't even notice we are gone."

Brienne chuckled into the crook of his neck. "I'm not sure that would help."

"We would be away from my crazy family at least," he huffed, before rolling over and gazing into her eyes. "I am sorry, I know you wanted a small wedding... and this is all my fault."

Not seeing things that way, Brienne lifted her hand and cupped his cheek. "It's not all your fault..."

"It is. They're my family."

"Soon to be mine," said Brienne gently, rubbing her nose against his. "And I think my father volunteered enough stories about my childhood to be counted in the crazy family bracket."

Smiling, Jaime rested his hand on Brienne's hip. "I enjoyed all those stories."

"Even that one about me getting a pea stuck up my nose?"

"Even the one about you getting a pea stuck up your nose," replied Jaime, before leaning forward to kiss her. It was not the type of kiss he had given her in front of their family and friends. This one had heat in it, so Brienne had no choice but to respond passionately, slowly unbuttoning his shirt as she did so. Once it was completely open, Jaime let Brienne shuck it off his shoulders, and then sighed as she began to apply open-mouthed kisses onto his neck.

"Ohhhh, wench," he moaned, as Brienne began to suck at his skin. "Do you really think it is a good idea that I have love bites visible on my wedding day?"

Brienne stopped kissing him and looked up, smiling. "You should always be proud of what you submit to, Jaime. Let the world see it." He went to retort with something witty, but Brienne silenced him by cupping his cock through his trousers. Jaime's words dissolved into a moan at once.

"That's it," whispered Brienne, as she began to work on his zip. "We are going to spend some time alone, just you and me, until we go to dinner later. How does that sound?"

"That sounds... _ahhhhhhh."_

"Exactly," smiled Brienne as she started to stroke his cock. "It sounds just like that."

* * *

After a few hours spent giving each other orgasms, Jaime and Brienne got dressed for dinner. By searching on the internet, Brienne had discovered a nice little restaurant just outside the resort, where she and Jaime could eat and not be disturbed by any crazy family members. It was just starting to get dark when they left the hotel, so Brienne held Jaime's hand and pulled him close, even though she knew she could protect herself.

"I really fancy a steak tonight," admitted Jaime, his eyes going dreamy at the thought of food, "and one of those big Myrish sharing platters that are so famous around here."

Brienne smiled teasingly. "Oooh, someone's eyes are bigger than his belly."

"I used up all my energy this afternoon, wench, what with the travelling and the fucking," Jaime grinned, squeezing Brienne's fingers. It made her blush. "Hey, weren't you the one telling me to be proud of what I submit to earlier?"

"Yeah..." she mumbled.

"Then stop blushing," Jaime grinned. "You got fucked hard this afternoon. Own it."

Although her face was very hot, Brienne raised a disbelieving eyebrow at him. "Oh did I now?"

"Yep, I ravished you," smirked Jaime, "so now I deserve some steak."

Unfortunately, there was no steak on the menu when they arrived at the restaurant, so Jaime was forced to settle for a Pentoshi beef stew. The Myrish serving platter, on the other hand, was divine and Brienne had to wrestle the last squid ink kebab out of Jaime's hand before he could scoff them all.

"They are so _good_ ," said Jaime as he continued to attack the platter with the force of a swarm of locusts. "Have you tried this seaweed wrap, wench? They are delicious!"

"Mmmm," agreed Brienne, taking the one that Jaime pointing at. "I love the sauce; it is just so... oh."

She stopped commenting on the food the moment she spotted them out of the corner of her eye. On the other side of the restaurant, hiding behind their menus, were three very familiar people. Shocked that they were here, Brienne put down her wrap and pointed them out to Jaime.

"Jaime, is that...?"

The second he locked his eyes on them, Brienne had her answer. "That's Margaery, Renly, and Loras!" Jaime said incredulously. "What the hell are they doing here?"

Feeling slightly annoyed that even her dinner with Jaime could be interrupted by yet more unwelcome visitors, Brienne said, "I don't know... but I'm going to find out."

Abandoning Jaime and their sharing platter, Brienne marched across the restaurant, her eyes locked on their three friends. Noting where she was going, Jaime jumped up and followed, obviously eager for the gossip. Spotting their approach, Renly sank down into his chair, while Margaery took the opposite approach and gave them a meek wave. By the time they reached them, Brienne's mouth was in a firm line.

"What are you three doing here?" asked Brienne suspiciously, looking from Margaery, to Renly, to Loras, and back again. Rather unsurprisingly, they all gave differing reasons for their presence in this particular restaurant in Myr.

"The resort has had _such_ good reviews," said Loras.

Margaery went with, "I really needed a holiday."

"I wanted to try the shrimp!" squeaked Renly.

"I don't care if you wanted to try the shrimp," grumbled Brienne, folding her arms across her chest. "What are you guys doing here? When you know that Jaime and I are getting married in two days! We said we were going to have a party when we got back!"

The three of them at least had the grace to look ashamed. "I'm sorry, Brienne," said Margaery timidly. "It is just that Grandma Olenna told Loras the exact date and time of your wedding, and we thought we would come and enjoy the party scene... and maybe have a few drinks with you after the ceremony."

Brienne went to take her frustrations about her rapidly growing wedding out on Margaery, but Jaime cut across her. "Wait a second... Grandma Olenna? Selwyn's girlfriend is your grandmother?"

That piece of information suddenly dawned on Brienne too. "Wait, Olenna is your Grandma... and she's going out with my dad?"

"Well done for getting with the programme, Brienne," muttered Jaime, a laugh on his lips.

Brienne gave him a nudge. "I'm just surprised, that's all. It is a small world."

"It is," agreed Renly, "so maybe you don't think it is _that_ unusual that we are here?"

Even though Renly was smiling at her hopefully, Brienne let out a dismissive scoff. "Come on. I know this was all planned. You three were just hoping you would get a late invite to the wedding!"

While Renly and Loras looked guilty, Margaery rolled her eyes. "Is it _that bad?_ You are one of my closest friends, Brienne... and Jaime's at least in my top twenty acquaintances too. We've heard on the grapevine that Tyrion's stripper girlfriend and Robert's _secretary_ are coming to the wedding, so why can't we?"

"Well... I..." spluttered Brienne, trying to hold onto her last few wishes of a small wedding.

However, she knew there was no point in fighting anymore when Jaime took her hand. "Margaery's right. We are already having a huge wedding. What is three more people?" he asked resignedly, with a shrug.

"I wanted it to just be about you and me," said Brienne sadly.

"And it _will_ be about you and me," promised Jaime, his expression ardent, "it is just... more people will be there to see it is about you and me than just you and me."

He was gazing at her so sweetly that Brienne could feel herself caving before she even did so. "Alright," she grumbled, turning back to Margaery, Loras, and Renly, "you can come."

The three of them cheered. "Thanks Brienne, I am so excited!" said Renly, clapping enthusiastically.

"I saw there was tension between the two of you years ago," claimed Margaery dramatically. "It is only right that I am there to witness you getting hitched."

Brienne was about to snap back that there had _not_ been tension between her and Jaime for years, but then her fiancé answered for her. "Well, you are right there, Margaery. Those hard-ons I was getting at work were really quite undeniable. Maybe you've been our guardian angel the whole time."

"Exactly," grinned Margaery enthusiastically, while Brienne wishes the ground would swallow her whole now Jaime had mentioned his public erections. "And it is only right that your guardian angel is there to wish you all the luck in the world."

* * *

The following day, which was Brienne and Jaime's last day as an unmarried couple, they had planned to spend sunning themselves by the pool drinking Piña Coladas. However, as Cersei and Robert had had yet another row, Brienne and Jaime found themselves minding Myrcella and Tommen while the two teenagers kept throwing themselves off the highest diving board. Brienne's heart was in her mouth every single time they did it.

"Calm down, wench," said Jaime as Brienne watched Tommen do a very clumsy dive that could have broken his neck. "They'll be fine."

"But what if they're not?" asked Brienne, breathing a sigh of relief when Tommen came bobbing above the water again. "What if they drown? And..."

Rolling his eyes, Jaime put his mojito in Brienne's hand and made her take a sip. "I hope you are not going to be this anxious when our own kids do something mildly dangerous, because I warn you, I was a little shit as a kid, and I'll probably end up passing that gene on."

"I might not want kids after this debacle," grumbled Brienne, taking a sip of her cocktail. She did not quite realise what she had said until she heard Jaime gasp. Turning to face him, she looked at him curiously. "What is the matter?"

"You don't want children with me?" Jaime asked, looking a little pale. "I thought we'd talked about this, because this is a deal breaker for me, and I..."

She took his hand in order to assuage his worries. "Of course I want children with you; lots and lots of babies, all them with your eyes."

" _Your_ eyes," insisted Jaime, getting up from his own sun lounger to come and sit beside her. "And if we really want the lots of babies thing, maybe we should start trying when we get back to King's Landing."

Brienne blushed. She had not realised that she wanted children so soon, but now Jaime said it... "Alright, that sounds a plan."

"Great," purred Jaime, leaning in to give Brienne the type of kiss that made her forget about Tommen and Myrcella, and start think about the baby making process. With her heart starting to beat more quickly in her chest, Brienne wrapped her arms around Jaime and pulled him close, wanting him to know how much she loved him.

The heated bubble the two of them had built burst almost instantly.

"Urgh, gross," came a familiar voice. "Do you two really have to do that in public?'

Breaking the kiss, Brienne turned around to look at who had interrupted them. To her horror, it was Arya Stark. She was soaking wet, just like Sansa and Myrcella who flanked her, and it was clear she had been in the pool.

"What the hell are you doing here?" asked Jaime, his mouth open in shock.

"I'm on holiday, aren't I?" said Arya with a shrug, not giving him a proper answer.

Luckily, Sansa was a little more forthcoming. "When Myrcella told us that you were getting married here, our indigenous cultures class decided to come here for our summer holiday. Me and Arya are here, Shireen and Rosamund have gone for a mani-pedi, and Gendry and Pod are in the hotel games room. We had a bet on who would be the first to spot you, and it seems we won."

"Well, it is lovely to see you..." began Brienne, but Myrcella cut her off.

"Uncle Jaime, can the rest of the class come to your wedding?" pleaded Myrcella, her big green eyes bright. "You can't expect me to only have Tommen for company, and Grandpa Tywin has ordered a huge buffet and a DJ for afterwards..."

"He has what?" interrupted Brienne, horrified, but Myrcella did not let her finish.

"So _please_ can they come? I promise they will be no trouble, especially as we were the ones who pushed you together north of the Wall in the first place!"

Arya smirked. "Yeah, you basically owe us a party for what we did for you two."

Although Arya was wearing an expression of triumph, Sansa and Myrcella were both just gazing at Brienne and Jaime pleadingly. Given that she had already caved to every single other person who asked to come to their wedding already, Brienne felt her defences collapsing.

"What do you think, Jaime?"

He gazed at her as if he was thinking the exact same thing as she was. "To be honest, this whole thing has already got way out of hand, so what is six more people?"

Myrcella started clapping enthusiastically. "Thank you, Uncle Jaime!" she squawked, throwing herself into his arms. "I promise they won't be any bother."

"Brienne hasn't agreed yet," he complained, his mouth smushed into Myrcella's shoulder. "What do you say Brienne?"

Knowing that she could not resist Myrcella and Sansa's pleading faces, but also wanting to make them go away so she could go back to cuddling Jaime. "Fine, you can come, but only if you leave me and Jaime to our kissing."

While Myrcella and Sansa's smiles dimmed, Arya looked revolted. "Fine. Urgh. Come on Myrcella, Sansa, let's go back to do some diving. I don't really want to know what Ms Tarth and Mr Lannister get up to in their spare time."

As Brienne pulled Jaime back into her arms, their three students ran off, leaving Jaime chuckling against his fiancée's lips. "Good shout, wench. That was a brilliant way to get rid of them."

"It was not just a way to get rid of them," she admitted, before pulling him into another deep kiss. She could feel his smile against her mouth and his hardness against her thigh.

Suddenly, Brienne did not feel like swimming anymore.

* * *

On the morning of her wedding, Brienne rose early. Jaime had already gone to get ready in Tyrion's room, so she had all the space to prepare herself. Her wedding dress was nothing flashy - just a floaty, Grecian style dress with gold accents - but it seemed perfect for a wedding on the beach. Admittedly, the Tarth cloak slung around her shoulders was a little hot, but it was tradition so Brienne was going with it. Shae, Cersei, Taena, and Olenna came to help her with her make-up, which Brienne had to admit she was quite glad about. Jaime was going to look so ridiculously handsome; she wanted to try and look good enough for him in return.

Once she was ready, her father came into see her. The second he entered the room, Selwyn's eyes began to glitter with tears. "You look beautiful, starburst."

"You think?" asked Brienne, even as her heart soared with happiness.

"Of course. Beautiful."

From there, Olenna, Shae, Taena, and Cersei went to join the party, while Brienne clung onto her dad, smiling nervously. "I'm sorry if I am holding onto you too tightly."

"That is fine," her dad replied. "I was a little nervous on my wedding day too."

Brienne sighed, her fears about the big wedding she and Jaime were now accidentally having bubbling to the surface. "It is just there are so many people..."

"Who are here to support you and Jaime, starburst," said her dad coaxingly, patting her hand. "Don't be scared. Everybody loves you and everybody wants you to be happy."

Armed with her father's reassuring words, Brienne let him lead her out of the room and through the hotel, taking the quickest path to the beach. When they walked through the reception, the hotel staff cheered, while the lounge singer crooned a traditional Myrish love song from the piano.

"I did not realise we had all this planned," Brienne gasped, as all the hotel staff and passing guests continued to clap.

Her dad shrugged. "I think Jaime has been working in secret to give you something to walk down the aisle too."

Unaware that she could be so happy while being cheered by lots of people she did not know, Brienne found her smile only grew broader when she finally reached the beach and was greeted by lots of friendly faces. The indigenous culture class were taking excited photos. Tywin, Genna, and Kevan were all whispering together; probably about an upcoming business deal, but perhaps about how happy Brienne was. Renly looked as if he was about to cry, while Loras had an arm slung around Margaery's shoulder. Robert and Cersei had stopped arguing for five minutes, which was the ultimate sign of respect for them, while the kids were so excited they were almost fit to burst. Taena and Olenna were in the front row with Tyrion and Shae, and all four of them were smiling warmly at her.

And then there was Jaime, who was so astoundingly beautiful in his joy it almost made Brienne cry.

When she and her dad finally reached him, Selwyn took Brienne's hand and put it in Jaime's, smiling at them both happily. "I wish you both all the luck in the world," he said, squeezing their joined hands before retreating to sit beside Olenna in the front row. Yet Brienne barely saw him go because she only had eyes for Jaime.

 _My wonderful, beautiful Jaime,_ she thought.

At that moment, the septon finally finished his meandering sermonising on the _Seven Pointed Star_ and arrived at the bit of the service everybody looked forward to most. "You may now cloak the bride and bring her under your protection." With shaky hands, Jaime reached up to shuck Brienne's cloak - blue and pink and decorated with Tarth's stars and suns - off her shoulders, to cloak her in the Lannister lions which he had just taken off. Once the deed was done, the septon began speaking again. "You may now cloak the groom and bring him under your protection."

Having insisted on this feminist re-interpretation of an ancient text, Brienne then put the Tarth cloak on Jaime. She had to admit, he looked radiant as he smiled at her, all stars and sunlight.

"My lords, ladies," continued the septon, gazing round at the motley crew gathered on the beach. "We stand here in the sight of gods and men to witness the union of man and wife. One flesh, one heart, one soul, now and forever."

Taking Jaime's hand in hers, Brienne tried to stay as still as possible as the septon wrapped a ribbon around their joined hands. It was difficult, because she wanted nothing more than to wrap her arms around her soon to be husband, who was gazing at her with all the love in the world.

"Let it be known that Jaime of House Lannister and Brienne of House Tarth are one heart, one flesh, one soul. Cursed be he who would seek to tear them asunder. In the sight of the Seven, I hereby seal these two souls, binding them as one for eternity."

Once they were metaphorically bound, the septon unwound the ribbon from around their joint hands, encouraging Jaime to squeeze her fingers. "Love you," he mouthed, which only succeeded in making Brienne's heart flutter.

Now came the hard bit.

"Look upon each other and say the words," instructed the septon, as he gave a prompting glance to Jaime and Brienne.

Together, they spoke.

"Father, Smith, Warrior, Mother, Maiden, Crone, Stranger."

"I am hers and she is mine."

"I am his and he is mine."

"From this day until the end of my days."

Her speaking role at an end, Brienne let out a relieved sigh, but Jaime wasn't done. Catching her gaze with his beautiful green one, he declared, "with this kiss, I pledge my love." As tradition dictated, he leant across and kissed her, but this was no gentle, chaste kiss but slow, passionate, and speaking of things to come later that evening.

It felt so intimate that she barely heard the crowd cheering for them - the crowd she did not want, but now very much appreciated - as Jaime took her hand.

 _We are married,_ she thought, almost disbelievingly, gazing into his eyes. _Married._

_I am his and he is mine._

_Married._

* * *

One positive of Tywin Lannister's control freak tendencies was that there was a huge buffet for all the wedding attendees, with one of the best DJs on the Narrow Sea Scene for the party. After Jaime and Brienne had danced the obligatory first couples dance, they had retreated to the high table where Jaime held her hand, unnoticed by everyone else.

"As soon as we can sneak away, we will," he whispered in her ear. "I am determined we will have _some_ part of our small wedding."

Brienne bloomed with excitement until eleven o'clock, when they finally found their excuse to leave. Having had two much champagne, Cersei and Taena had ended up grinding on the dance floor and getting a _little_ too friendly. During the resulting screaming match between Robert and Cersei, Jaime and Brienne finally found the opportunity to retreat to their bedroom.

They unlocked the door with great relish.

"Finally, some alone time," Brienne smiled, entering the cool hotel room. Kicking her shoes off, she crossed the vast space between the door and the bed, before flopping back against the pillows like a Dornish princess in the Water Gardens. When she closed her eyes, Brienne focussed on what she could hear; in the distance, she could pick out the music from the reception and the gentle _shh_ of the waves. Closer to home, she could hear Jaime's gravelly chuckle and the _clink_ of his belt falling to the floor.

"Wench, you don't know how long I have looked forward to this," Jaime smiled, shucking his jacket off to allow it to join his belt and then laying down beside her. "We were all ready for a small wedding and... I just don't know what happened."

"We were fools, stupid fools," she laughed, rolling over so she could sling an arm around his chest. "But I loved it all the same. Even with your sister getting off with Robert's secretary on the dance floor, it still succeeded in somehow being less weird than our first wedding."

Jaime kissed the top of her head. "Well, that is not hard. We were basically tricked into it the first time."

"I'm glad," Brienne admitted.

"Me too."

They laid in silence for a few minutes, just luxuriating in one another's company. Pressing her face against his chest, Brienne took in the intoxicating smell of him; aftershave, soap, and pure Jaime.

 _Gods, I love him,_ she thought. _So, so much._

"Brienne?"

"Mmm?"

"There is one thing we haven't done yet."

She lifted her head of her chest to look him in the eye. "What?"

"Well," he said slowly, teasing out the word. "When we had our first wedding, I seem to recall there was a lot of huddling under the furs and keeping each other warm."

Even though she knew what he was getting at, Brienne longed to spool it out for a little longer. "But we are in Myr now, Jaime. It's boiling hot!"

"If you are hot, you could just take off your dress," Jaime purred, rolling her off him so he could look at all of her. "But I would like to see you still wearing my cloak - Lannister colours - when we consummate our marriage."

She had to admit it was a tantalising prospect, but even so she kept playing it aloof. "Oh, and how to you propose we consummate our marriage?"

He grinned at her. "Wildling Style."

So they did.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks so much for reading! As ever, I love comments and kudos (especially as this one has taken so damn long to finish!)


End file.
